I Found Love, In You- (Jemily) [M]

I Can't Do This Anymore

A/N- hey guys Ik this book is kinda depressing and the next few chapters will be but it will get happier I promise you guys I couldn't cope myself If I made it too sad! X

Self harm mentioned- TW⚠️

"She's dead?" I ask, tears forming in my eyes.

"Yes, she died on impact, she wasn't in pain, I'm so sorry Emily"

"I think I'm gunna be sick" I say as I run towards the bathroom locking the door behind me.

After throwing up I collapse onto the floor. I can't feel anything. The woman who gave me life. The woman who brought me into this world is no longer with me. We'd just started patching up our relationship too and now she's gone. I don't know how to feel.

"Emily? It's JJ, the team left so I could talk to you alone. Open up so I know you're okay please." I reach up and unlock the door. "Hey baby" she sits next to me holding me close. "Are you okay? What do you need?"

"I..I don't know...I don't know how to exist in a world where my mom doesn't"

"I know baby, but we will get through this okay. You and me together. You are not alone okay. I'm with you."

"Thanks. I love you"

"I love you too, you wanna go to bed?" She asks with tears in her eyes.

"Uh yeah sure, you go on I'll be there in a minute, I'm going to go in the shower" I say.

"Okay"

I turn the water on and undress getting in the shower. I grab a razor and slide it across my skin. I watch the blood pour out and trickle down the plug hole. All up my arms are now covered in blood, stinging under the warm water of the shower. I shed a few tears before I get out and get dressed. I put in my dressing gown so JJ doesn't see my arms. She'll just worry and I've already put her through enough. I can't burden her with this again.

I crawl into bed with her and she embraces me in a warm hug. Stroking my hair. It's become her thing now but it calms me down so much, all my worries go away when I'm with her. With that I drift off to sleep.

I wake up thinking that it was all a dream until I saw the messages on my phone from the team sending me their condolences. JJ is going back to her apartment today to pick up some clothes because she's been here for a few weeks now and there's only so many times you can wear the same clothes.

I still don't know how to feel about my mom's death. It's like I can't feel anything anymore. I never really thought much had happened to me when I was younger but now. It's like my emotions have become so damaged that they've shattered into millions of pieces and flown away in the wind.

The only thing that will help me right now is a drink. I haven't drank since that night and I promised JJ I wouldn't but I don't know what else to do.

"I'll see you later, ok baby?"

"Okay" I mumbled. "Love you"

"Love you too"

With that she was out of the door.

I grabbed my phone, my keys and my wallet and headed out the door. As soon as I sat in the car I heard a gun cock next to my head.

"Drive to a store and get some booze, then we are going to go somewhere abandoned. You are going to drink the whole bottle and then your girlfriend will find you here wasted. She will never trust you again."

I went to the nearest liquor store and they'd ran out of tequila so I bought a bottle of vodka, I slipped the cashier a note with JJ's number that said;

"Call me I'm in danger from Emily" with JJ's number on the bottom. I got back in my car and drove to an empty parking lot. I sat and took shot after shot.

I felt the burning down my throat as I thought of all of my memories of JJ and how much I loved her. The gun still cocked at my head.

I hadn't figured out who it was yet but how did they get in my car? And how did they know I was leaving now? Have I been stalked? I thought to myself as I could feel myself getting dizzier as the alcohol flooded through my system. It sounded like Will but I saw him get shot. I saw him dead. Who could it be then? Did he have a brother or some shit?

JJ's POV

I was just about to head back to Emily's when my phone rang and it was a random number.

"Hello?"

"Hello this is SSA Jennifer Jareau"

"Hi, I just got a note from a woman named Emily to say she was in danger and to call this number"

"Ok where are you calling from?" I asked really worried.

"Uh the liquor store on 7th"

"Oh god okay uh how long ago did she give you the note?"

"About 10 minutes ago?"

"Did you see where she was headed?"

"No she took a left and then I couldn't see her in the car"

"Okay thank you"

I call Garcia and tell her to track Emily's phone. She's in an abandoned parking lot down the road from me.

What the hell is happening?

I call Hotch and tell him to get the team to meet us there.

I arrive first and I see her car. I get my gun out of its holster and open the door and I find her passed out in the front seat with a note on her.

Hey JJ, seems like Emily might have had a bit too much. Whoops. That may be my fault. You shouldn't have got my brother killed you stupid bitch. Next time I'll kill her.

B L

Emily is taken in an ambulance straight to the hospital. They said she'd been given a whole bottle of vodka by "BL" and they needed to pump her stomach. Who's BL? I kept thinking to myself.

I got to the hospital and everyone else was there too. Emily had alcohol poisoning but she was fine other than that, the doctors told me.

Everything was just starting to get better too. I hope she doesn't start drinking again after this. She just got clean.

"Emily can see you now" the doctor tells me.

I rush into her room and she's just waking up.

"Hey how are you feeling?" I ask her holding her hand tightly.

"Like I have the hangover from hell what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"All I remember was slipping the lady that note... and his voice.... it sounded like Will"

"Will?! He's dead"

"Did he have like a twin or something?"

"Yes he did" Garcia says rushing into the room. "He's been on the wanted list for years. His name is Bill Lamontagne"

A/N- hey guys this is a bit of a filler to build up to the wedding. But trust me there will be no cliffhangers or evil twins in the wedding it will be nice and calm. 🤞