sacrifices

PART 15

WARNING: suicidal mentions and possible drug use

Y/N POV

walking into my apartment I see Spencer sobbing on the floor clutching himself. I let out a sad sigh and walk over to him. I bend down.

"Spencer. Look at me sweetie" I say quietly. I did not want to scare him. Especially when he was on the brink of a panic attack. Of course I'm still pissed about what just happened, but now I needed to help the man who was breaking.

He slowly lifts his head up and looks at me. His eyes were puffy and tears streamed down his face non stop. He just looked so broken. His under eyes were dark and his face had scruff on it from not shaving. His hair was frizzy and a tangled mess on his head.

I look sadly at him. I started to tear up seeing him like this. Suddenly he lunges forward into my body, wrapping his long heavy arms around my waist and holding me in a tight hug.

I froze at the movement and look down. I let a tear fall down my cheek and hug him back. Basically cradling him. If it weren't such a bad situation I would think it's funny. He is terribly huge compared to me and I was holding him. It's like holding a man baby. (BAHAHAHA IM SORRY I HAD TO)

I just hold him for about ten minutes. He sobbed harshly and I cried quietly. We were still on the floor when I noticed my leg start to fall asleep from his weight.

"Spencer. Let's take a shower. Ya?" I say. My voice breaking. He looks up at me and nods with tears still streaming down his face. He moves off of me and I stand up. Dying to had circulation in my leg again. I grab his hand and pull him up, obviously he helped. I could never lift him.

We walked quietly to my bathroom and I started the shower and grabbed towels. He just stood there looking down. He wasn't sobbing anymore, just letting the tears flow freely. I sighed and walked up to him.

"I'm going to take your clothes off" I told him and waited his consent. He nods. Reaching up on my tip toes I pull his shirt off. He just looks at me staring. I looked back at his eyes for a brief moment, then started to work on his pants.

I could still feel his eyes on me. Staring. I pulled off his pants and started to work on my own clothing. "Get it sweetie" I say to Spencer, snapping him out of his trance. He doesn't say anything no nod. Nothing. He just lazily went to the shower hanging his head down low.

As soon as he was in my clothes were off and I stepped in turning on the other shower head. He is standing letting the water run over him with his head still hanging low.

I make a few short steps over to him putting a finger under his chin to lift his head up. He stared at me again and my heart shattered in pain when I saw his face.

"Put your head back please" I said to him while I grabbed the shampoo. He wet his hair and then bent down to my shoulder so I could massage the shampoo into his messy hair.

He let out a little sigh as I massaged his scalp. After I finished I told him to rinse and he did. I watched him closely as he let the shampoo run down his body and fall into the drain below us. He stayed like that for a moment letting the water run down his face.

Spencer looked back down to me as I grabbed the conditioner. "Why are you doing this for me" he whispered sadly. "I don't deserve this. I barely deserve to be here" he says hanging his head again.

My face scrunched up when he said that. Was he suicidal? A panic washed over me when I over analyzed. Maybe he just meant being in my apartment.

"Spencer..you're broken to the core." I said to him, also whispering. I know it was harsh, but it was the truth. He didn't even react to the harsh words I said though. I assume because he knew it too. We finished up in the shower quietly and wrapped ourselves in towels.

I dried myself off and got dressed, realizing he had no clothes. I hurried and got dressed telling him I'll go grab his come clothes while he dried off and he thanked me.

I opened up Spencer apartment and the first thing I noticed was the bookshelf on the floor, books laying everywhere. That just have been the thud I heard. I looked at it and my heart broke for him.

I shuffled into Spencer room and opened up his dresser draws to find a pair of sweats and under wear.

I opened up all the drawers trying to find a non-work shirt. The last drawer I opened I found his sleep shirts. I grabbed one when I felt a sharp object pierce my finger. I quickly retracted my hand and licked the blood from my finger.

My curiosity got the best of me and I looked to find what stabbed me. I scrunched up a few shirts and found a needle and a bottle. My heart dropped to the floor.

I picked the bottle up with shaky hands, and sure enough it was Hydromorphone. AKA, Dilaudid. I dropped the bottle and back away from the drawer. I backed into what felt like legs. I turned around while my heart raced and saw Spencer with a worried look on his face.

I saw his mouth moving but couldn't hear anything other than the ringing in my ears. He bent down and looked at me concerned, still trying to talk to me. I face feel and I stood up quickly.

I grabbed his arm harshly and flipped it over to inspect his forearm for needle tracks. To my surprise, all that was there were scars. Nothing new. No scabs. Finally I heard Spencer speak.

"Y/n can you hear me?" He said quietly. I looked up at him with horror in my face. "D-did you" I said bringing to cry. "No. I did not y/n" he says confirming my inspection.

I just looked up at him while tears formed in my eyes. I quickly hugged onto him tightly. "Please never do that" I said shaking. "I-I was so scared Spencer" I said crying more.

"I know y/n. I'm so sorry" he said holding me back. He kissed my head and we held each other tightly. Neither of us wanting to let go of the other.

After god knows how many minutes Spencer finally out some clothes on and we headed back to my apartment. Both of us not wanting to be alone.

We climbed into my bed. I was exhausted from crying and screaming and so was he. We quickly fell asleep holding each other.

AUTHORS NOTE:

I think I'm going to go back and change y/n appearance so it'll be your own!

Sorry...I know you guys probs hate me for this 🥲 BUT I LOVE THE TRAUMA