One hand unmarked and the other tattooed skim the ivories before I settle onto the bench as he moves next to me on silent feet. Music drifts through my head; the basic lessons I knew as a child that my mother painstaking guided me through come first, then her lilting voice murmuring instructions into my ear. Screaming, her screaming comes next.
"Father was killed first." I begin softly. "The fae male stepped towards my mother and he instantly moved in front of her. I'm not even sure if he was aware that he did it before he was sliced clean through with my mom screaming as if it had been her. As if the second my father died, she died too, but the husk of her body was leftover." The images are still so clear in my mind and I wonder if they'll ever fade. "She was next, then my brothers as they tried to protect us. I...I didn't look as they were struck down but held my sister's head to my chest with my face buried in her hair." She was crying. We both knew what was coming and there were no assurances to whisper to one another. Our only hope was that the next blow would kill both of us. Of course, that didn't happen. "I couldn't tear my eyes away when they took my sister and shredded her throat so her blood splattered over me."
My fingers falling down on the keys jerks me out of my memories before my eyes snap to Azriel's. His eyes are clear and steady, but the smile that was once on his face has vanished along with mine. "This will not be happy," I warn and he barely nods before I look back to the keys. I don't waste any more time before letting it flow out of me. As promised, it's not an uplifting tune. My hands spend most of their time in the lower notes with brief trips to the higher. Like screams in the night.
There's relief in finally allowing the music out again and hearing it fill the room along with the world outside it. I name the song as my fingers slide over the keys to the throbbing hole in my gut. Grief. This is grief. I'd been avoiding it and with everything happening so big and loud around me it was easy, but now in the quiet, before we head out to live or die, it comes back to me. Perhaps that's how my family plans to haunt me since I have to live for eternity without them. I hold the last note and it rings like a death knoll before silence descends over the room.
"Thank you." Azriel whispers and my watery eyes lift to his. He nears and I slide to the side of the bench as he settles down to sear me with his warmth. His wings curve around us as much as they can while I hold his hand in both of mine on my thigh.
"Sometimes I don't realize it's there, but other times it feels like I'm barely here at all. The gaping nothing feels like it takes up more space than I do." I whisper and he shifts a bit closer.
"It comes in waves. It's enough to hold on through it." He tells me and I nod while releasing a long breath. "Can I do anything?" He offers and the edges of the hole close slightly. Slowly, I take his hand and slide it under my wings, then under my shirt to rest on my waist. My eyes are steady on his and my touch purposefully kept light so he can pull away at any time.
"Is this okay?" I ask with our faces mere inches apart. His head barely moves as he nods. My body moves as close as possible to his warmth before I rest my head on his shoulder. "This is enough. Just for a minute." My eyes shut as I focus on everything that makes Azriel, Azriel. His night-chilled mist and cedar scent, those scarred hands, and the gentle way he touches me. His hand on my waist hesitantly tugs me closer while his other reaches up to coast over my face, then brush over my curls. We remain like that for a while until it's time we got to dinner. We rise from the bench, but Azriel's hand catches mine before we walk out.
"One more thing." He murmurs with a glimmer in his hazel eyes. My brows furrow as he opens his other hand to reveal gleaming silver pins for my hair in the shape of the moon and stars. My lips part as I reach out to trace the body-warmed metal in his palm.
"Azriel," I whisper and glance up at him. His lips lift as he shakes them into my hands and they clink softly as they fall.
"Fit for the Advisor of the Night Court." He says and I smile at the gesture and the reminder.
YOU ARE READING
Shadowsinger
Fanfiction"Perhaps this is death and it's playing a game with me. Maybe that's all death is, reliving the moment it took those that you most loved." Kaira's life ends with her family in the cold snow on the edge of the wall dividing fae and human lands. She's...
