Just before Death

CHAPTER I

October 4, 2007
Early morning

            Solely stepping- out from a quiet vacuum, I walk through the frozen stairways holding on chilly frigid banister - handrails made of mottled marbles with various shades of blue, green, and dirty white. As I walk down the stairs, I can merely hear voices and descry a glimpse of color-coated light from a SONY LED television.

          As a matter of fact, it is my father's tradition to watch DAWN NEWS (news station) every fresh start of the day but I'm a little bit curious if he does really want to get some recent updates or he is just been entertained by those female news anchors and reporters who could have nearly shown off their cleavage and body features with their low-cut neckline, too-tight suits, and skinny skirts ----- or maybe both: mass media with extra service.

           By the way, my father is a little bit eerie because he must be wearing his white NAUTICA long sleeves, black trousers, and leather shoes, sitting behind his sixteen year- old medical gown which is almost shaded in pale orange (maybe because of bleach and its age ------ but I don't know why he won't buy a new gown for himself,  note: his coworkers and friends have given him several medical gowns but he doesn't mind of wearing them). It is unusual because he is wearing a white polo shirt, blue jeans, and rubber shoes (I thought medical workers are prohibited from wearing blue jeans). Suddenly he talks in a low modulated voice.
       "Can I take you some ride?"

I was astonished, questions puzzled my mind, my tongue stopped working like a muscular breakdown that I can't utter any sound. Electrical signals failed to reach the brain and I remained silent. But when I felt embarrassed, I said, "No, I'm fine". I felt my father got in a low spirit like he was being thrown into a dungeon of bashfulness, but he tried to respond to me with a faulty smile.

"It's cold outside, aren't you wearing long sleeves and gloves."

        For the second time, I felt empty and embarrassed. Quiet. Hushed. I looked- away and turn my back against him. "Just get these gloves." I refused to take it. I lied though I'm not good at lying. I told him I have some winter stuff in my car but I don't have anything at all.

   I abandoned him in the dining room with the feeling of being struck by a bolt of lightning. I moved out from the stillness and embarrassment. Unfriendly cold winds welcome me to the outside world, I breathe- out cloudy vapors, and thin light crystalline flakes fall on my eyelashes. I felt a couple of regret for not wearing warmer clothes or not taking the gloves my dad offered. I forced myself not to step back to feel no shame.

     I walked straight to the garage, I felt the warmth inside ------ but I don't have to stay there anyway. I open my car, an antiquated Ford Everest (my late mother's hospital vehicle). I closed all my automobile's windows, turn the engine on and drive on my steering wheel.

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