A Different Kind of Love

Pouring Rain-Hotch

Reader is numb to the world, leaving the office without telling anyone. Her boyfriend, Aaron Hotchner, comes to the rescue before things go haywire. 

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression.

Raindrops splattered onto your head, bouncing off and dripping onto the sidewalk as you walked. Your tears mixed with the cold water, your body shaking as you walked aimlessly through the streets. You felt numb, not even the chilling wind able to make you feel the goosebumps moving down your arms held limply at your sides.

Your phone rang in your pocket, a constant vibrating. But you could barely hear it, the ring blocked out by the sounds of your blood pumping and rain splattering on top of roofs. You wouldn't answer. Not now. Maybe ever. You couldn't continue to lie to everyone around you- the team- Aaron. You couldn't put on another fake smile and act like everything was okay. You weren't okay. You were hurting and you couldn't put up the walls anymore. No matter how hard you tried.

You knew one day the brick walls you had built, would come crumbling down one day. Today was that day. You kept on walking, not even realizing your feet hurt. Not caring your clothes were soaked through by the relentless rainfall. Not caring it was growing dark and that you shouldn't be out on your own.

You didn't care anymore.

You were numb.

You were a shell of a woman.

A car pulled up beside you and a door slammed. You didn't bother to look, continuing to walk forward at a slow pace. Loud footsteps sounded behind you and you knew you should've brought your gun- but at the moment you were lost in thought- submerged into your own world.

A strong hand gripped your shoulder, stopping you from moving and whipping you around. Fear should've shot through you- but you didn't even fight it.

"Y/n." A panting voice managed to say and as you looked at the feet of the person, recognition surged through you. Dark work shoes, finely waxed, black- familiar. Aaron. As you lifted your head your suspicions were proven correct as you looked up into Aaron Hotchner's face.

His usually perfectly placed hair was dripping from the rain, flattening it and pushing it over his forehead. His face was etched with concern, worry swirling in his chocolate eyes, searching yours. You glanced at his clothes, they were soaked, sticking to him. His once white dress-shirt was almost see-through, tightened around his body. The red tie around his neck carelessly knotted, more like a loose necklace hanging over his shirt.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I didn't know- I didn't-" His voice was almost choked up- but Aaron Hotchner didn't get choked up. Especially for you. He gripped your arms, "It's cold and wet. You're shivering." he pulled you towards him as he weaved around the few people under umbrellas on the sidewalk. You were pushed into a car, the door shutting and then Aaron was one your left, taking off his tie and throwing it in the backseat.

He turned up the heat and let out a breath, locking the car doors and driving onto the main road. You didn't know what was happening. You were still in a daze, but you were starting to feel the effects the cold rain had on you. You were shivering, teeth chattering, water running down your face.

Aaron looked at you and cranked the heat up as far as he could. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Why did you go out in a storm? What were you thinking?!" Storm? Why was he yelling?

The wipers on his windshield moved back and forth rapidly as he drove. "Why didn't you answer the team, why didn't-" He clenched his jaw, looking at you again, "Why didn't you answer me?"

You inhaled deeply, trying to snap out of your daze. His eyebrows lifted and then his voice faded out as your breathing picked up. You were aware of him stopping the car- of his hands grabbing at your hands, of him speaking to you. But you couldn't breathe. You couldn't answer.

"Y/n, dammit-" he gripped your hands tightly, "Breathe, you need to breathe-" When you heard his voice you gasped in a breath and he encouraged you further. Deep Breaths. Offered you support, a hand on your shoulder, the other gripping your hand tightly.

"Okay, you're okay... shhh... I shouldn't have yelled- Dammit- I-...." You turned your head to look at him, seeing as he fought with his emotions. His eyes shifted to yours and his thumb ran over your knuckles.

"Aaron- what-"

"You left. You didn't tell anyone where you were going- you didn't tell me. You didn't answer your phone and Derek told me before you left, you- you left a note. Dammit- y/n, you left a note." He explained, justifying his actions.

You blinked. You did?

"I-..."

Hotch gripped your hand tighter, "I don't care, y/n, I don't care it happened- just why- why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ask me for help?" He questioned, looking hurt as he talked. When you realized there was no point in acting fine, you let the tears fall. His face didn't falter as he wiped your tears away with the pad of his thumbs.

"I'm sorry.....I'm sorry...." you cried, tear falling freely. Hotch unbuckled his seatbelt, leaning over the console as he moved closer to you. The grip on you only tightening as you cried helplessly.

"I wanted to...I promise- I wanted to.." you revealed as his dark eyes trailed over you, "I-I can't do it anymore, Aaron... I can't act like I'm okay...I can't....."

He pushed your face into the crook of his neck, hugging you closely. His deep voice sounded in your ear, "You don't have to, not anymore, y/n, not anymore..." You cried harder, finally reacting to his touch and wrapping your arms around him. You sobbed into him, letting out all of your hidden emotions you had shoved down for months. The pain. The heartbreak. Everything.

When your tears had all but dried up, he pulled away, wiping them away with his thumb. He gazed into your teary eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't know, I'm sorry I didn't see it. I should have. Y/n I-....I can't watch you go, I can't watch you go down this path..."

Your eyes watered again and he tilted his head closer to yours, "I need to know. I need to-" he sighed, "Were you going to hurt yourself, y/n?"

You blinked and then you set your forehead against his, "I don't know... I don't-.....I don't know, Aaron..." Another tear dribbled down your cheek.

"Okay." He stated, pressing his lips to your forehead, "Okay." He sat back in his seat and buckled his seatbelt, putting his hand on your knee as he got back on the road.

"Aaron?"

He glanced over at you, "Mm?" His hand never leaving your knee as he changed lanes.

"How did you know where-"

"You once told me you liked to dance in the rain. I knew you loved storms, the thunder, rain, all of it. I knew... I knew you wanted to clear your head and I just- I don't know, y/n, I just knew." He replied, squeezing your knee softly. You sighed and laid your head against his arm as he drove. He moved his hand to yours and you gripped it tightly. You closed your eyes, the warmth emitting from his arm making you feel better.

"Thank you.." He glanced down at your closed eyes and peaceful expression crossing your face as you laid your head on his arm. An expression he hadn't seen on your face in awhile. Not in a long time.

"Always, y/n." You cracked an eye open, eyebrows furrowing. He clenched your hand, "I will always be here for you. Always." he promised.

You let out a content sigh and mumbled, "I 'ove you..." His eyebrows lifted as he gazed down at you, your breaths evening out as you fell asleep. 

It was the first time you had said you loved him.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, thumb running over your knuckles, "I love you too, y/n."