The Test (August Alsina)

Vent Session: Murda She Wrote

 Have you ever sat around and  you are at your bottom or you feel like you are at your bottom.  You see people living life. Like really living life. They are the same age group you are didn't got to colleger, had kids, they claim the father(s) is/are (a) dead beat (s). Anyway they go out  all the time, almost every weekend and not just to the club but out of town.  You're just sitting here like how tf can they afford that and you don't even have a pot to piss in well you feel like you don't . Obviously you are in the wrong grind and the time you took to build your hustle just left you feeling like shxt, like you're worthless.  And you're  wondering why you're always solo, like why no one fuxks with you. Like they say treat everyone how you want to be treated, even though people don't deserve it you still follow that virtue and still end up with shit and they are on the up and up.   You continue to pimp yourself and give yourself away for free. You learn that no matter how much you do for someone, no matter how much you care, love , and have their back . they still  don't give a fuck about you. and You wonder why, Is it you? or Is it just the way of the world.  The world is one cold blooded mutha fuxka . You then realized that being good is no fun and your good deeds only pay off after you die.  Then you rock yourself to sleep because all these run-on sentences, built up frustration, and complaining is getting on your nerves. 

 When you wake up, not just wake up, but wake the fuxk up. You come to your senses and realize that their reality isn't really their reality. It's all an illusion and you're the fool. 

 See I was that fool. I didn't know what I did so wrong that I just couldn't get it right. I wanted to end my life. I tried and I failed. Then that's when I believe that God brought  August in to save my life. I was dead inside I was living but I wasn't alive. My faith wasn't strong enough I couldn't do it on my own. Because I couldn't see what's ahead of me all I seen was darkness. Now my reality is brighter than my dreams are.  I'm actually living it and some.  I know what happiness is. August couldn't make me happy. I had to do it for myself. He couldn't  make me love him or myself. I had to do it for myself.

So August,  what I am trying to say is that I love you. I love the way you clear your throat. You take your time to say what you got to say.  You use such colorful  words to let me know that you mean what the fuxk you mean. What I love the most is that you put your soul into everything you do.  Everything is real genuine with you.  I love and appreciate what you have done for my life. They say  God works through people  and he worked through you. You're the only man that could ever touch my heart, the way that you did.  Again, I love you I can't say that enough you are my angel. If I could  sing it  I would but Anita Baker does it better.  If you're reading this, then I'm already gone.  I hope that one day you will find love again . You Deserve the world plus more.  Your heart is that big !!

                                                              Love, 

                                                                     Your Mia 

   August re read the letter over and over. He just knew that she couldn't be gone. He called his pat'nas and headed to New Orleans where Ghost will soon become Casper.