namgi one shots

stares pt2

The fifth time Namjoon notices Yoongi and Jimin, the younger boy isn't even there with them holed up in the recording studio, jotting down possible verses to match the beats they had been working on for the past weeks already. It's almost 1 in the morning, but apparently Jimin is still up and about in their dorm, if Yoongi's mumblings off "Ahh, this brat" and "You really are a punk, Park Jimin" as he scrolls through his phone are enough of an indication.

Namjoon is feeling particularly antsy today, not only because of the persistent ache in his chest that hasn't ebbed away ever since the realization that Yoongi likes someone else had dawned on him, but also because the song they're currently working on just sounds off even though they've been tweaking with the pace and the beat of it for almost two hours now.

Maybe it was bound to happen sooner or later, what with the frustration bubbling in Namjoon's gut like molten lava, because the next second that he hears the Katalk notification from Yoongi's phone go off once more has him slamming his mouse against the desktop, grinding his teeth as he evens his gaze at the monitor, daring Yoongi to call him out for it. And of course, the older boy does call him out, but he does it slowly, like Namjoon is a wounded animal that needs to be placated carefully or else he'd end up trampling and destroying everything.

"Hey..." Yoongi's voice is low, like he's slurring it out. He places his phone on the table before he turns to Namjoon who's still glaring at the monitor like it had just offended him in the worst way possible. "what's up with you, Namjoon?"

Namjoon doesn't answer for a full minute, and it's pretty immature, he'll admit it, but right now his better judgement has left him completely, the raw desire to hurt Yoongi the same way he's been hurting him for the past few days slipping in between the cracks of Namjoon's heart like poison.

"This song fucking sucks." Namjoon manages to grit out, eyes rimmed with red as he tears his gaze away from the monitor to look at Yoongi. It turns out he's underestimated the older boy, because the glare he meets is almost enough to make Namjoon duck his head. Almost, because Namjoon firmly stands his ground, trying not to break eye contact even when he's suddenly aware of the fact that the tiniest flicker will give him away completely.

"You don't have to be a dickhead about it." Yoongi fires back, but it lacks the usual venom that his voice is laced with whenever something really pisses him off. His eyes are sharp, but it doesn't hold the weight of anger Namjoon had been expecting. His gaze is more of frustration, like there's an answer he's trying to look for in Namjoon's eyes but can't quite make out just yet, and Namjoon thinks that's only because he hasn't asked the question yet.

And in between that stilted pause which stretches into an eternity or two, Namjoon finds himself opening his mouth, fumbling for the words as he picks himself apart, tries to rearrange himself for Yoongi so that he can understand and make sense of the jumbled, messy things that Namjoon is now made up of.

"Back then," Namjoon starts, licking his dry lips as he holds his gaze steady. Yoongi looks back at him, unwavering. Waiting. "when we were trainees. There was a time when we snuck out and got piss drunk in that one rooftop until we saw the sunrise. We got so much shit for that afterwards, remember?"

Namjoon tries for a laugh to veil the onslaught of emotions blooming in his chest, but all that comes out is a weak chuckle, like Namjoon's unspooled too much of his facade already to block out what he truly feels. He's much like an open book now, and the thought should terrify him, but Yoongi's eyes are like an anchor, holding him at bay, keeping him from being tossed into dangerous, stormy waters all by himself.

He doesn't wait for Yoongi's affirmation that yes, he does remember, because Namjoon knows he does. In fact, he thinks Yoongi never forgot in the first place.

"We were watching the stars when you told me--" Namjoon, despite the grim expression on his face, can't help but smile at the memory. His left cheek dips into a dimple, and he never once blinks as he continues, still looking at Yoongi. "when you told me you liked me, even if I was kind of a brat. And I said that I liked you too. Even though we were both kind of drunk."

The weight of this memory catches something in Namjoon's chest, an ache so tender and raw that, even after all these years, still hasn't been patched over with countless sleepness nights and sore limbs from practice. It's still vividly clear in his mind, how flushed Yoongi's face had been, either from the alcohol or the admission of his feelings Namjoon still can't tell, and how Yoongi had smiled, eyes twinkling in a way that would put the night sky to shame when Namjoon had replied, voice a little slurred but entirely honest nonetheless, "Me too, hyung." It's always been so painfully easy and easily painful to have it replay over and over in his most private of moments, but Namjoon thinks that it's an entirely different degree of torture when he's staring right at Yoongi, trying hard not to break.

"I still like you, hyung." Namjoon finds himself admitting, and even though he's aware of the impending rejection he'll likely receive, he doesn't regret it, because Yoongi deserves to know that he's liked, that he's appreciated and cared for. That he's been immensely loved, ever since that night and beyond that, by Namjoon. "I know things are different now though, and that-- that there's someone else that you like."

Yoongi's head shoots up at that, and he looks so alarmed that Namjoon maybe wants to hit him for it, because really, he could at least pretend it isn't the least bit true.

"Jimin is a really lucky guy." he says and means it wholeheartedly even when his voice sounds hollow, void of emotion even to his own ears. Because even though it hurts to say it out loud just as much as it does when he thinks about it, Namjoon could never hate Yoongi for finding his happiness, even when he isn't part of it. So, with eyes shining and red-rimmed, Namjoon takes in a shuddering breath and forces out, "And don't worry, Yoongi-hyung, I won't do anything stupid-- I mean, it hurts, it really fucking does, but I've seen you two, and you look happy to be with him, and-- I-- what?"

While Namjoon had been reciting the words he's been running over and over his head for the past week, Yoongi had first been looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face (Namjoon thinks it's probably guilt) then it had morphed into a look of utter confusion at the mention of Jimin's name. Now it's progressed to Yoongi shaking his head aggressively, resorting to waving his hands wildly when Namjoon doesn't take the hint for him to shut up already.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yoongi immediately snaps, raising an eyebrow at Namjoon. "Me and Jimin? Did you just pull that out of your ass or something?"

Namjoon blinks repeatedly, his brain turning to mush as he replays Yoongi's tirade of questions over and over in his head. Finally, he opts for an intelligent reply in the form of "Uh?"

"I don't like Jimin, alright?" Yoongi says, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff like the younger boy had deeply offended him. "Let me say it again to be perfectly clear. I. Do. Not. Like. Jimin. That. Way."

"But," Namjoon is clearly struggling with his emotions, part of him so immensely relieved he could probably breakdance on the spot but the other part of him is still feeling lost and confused. "The two of you-- it was like, you were always so goddamn happy with him--"

Yoongi raises both his eyebrows, as if saying, When did I ever?

The memories of Yoongi and Jimin being unnecessarily clingy and sickly sweet to each other are easy to recall, mostly because Namjoon had spent majority of the hours at night picking them apart piece by piece, trying not to see what is obviously there. Well, apparently not there, according to Yoongi himself, but Namjoon is still pretty fucking lost.