trigger warning : rape , sexual assault
dear whoever is reading,
i don't even want a father / father figure , my father figure (uncle) sexually assaulted me for seven years ,, my biological father wasn't around until my eleventh birthday - which in reality he still isn't around.
my mum passed away when i was two (i've read the letters she wrote about me and i know she cared for me so so deeply) ,, the mother / mother figure (aunt) took away my childhood.
so many people romanticize mommy and daddy issues when it's actually not fun or amusing it's so painfully actually having them.
i've known people who have said they have mommy/daddy issues because they like older men or women , there's a difference between having a choking kink and literally craving validation from people and thriving off of the attention knowing it makes you feel complete.it's not a liking to older people it's a trauma do to them not being around and wanting to have some sort of connection that wasn't given.
the man who was my father figure made me feel unsafe and disgusting but i was always afraid he'd hurt my mum (aunt) and sister (cousin) , i've spent the last few years staying up till two am balling my eyes out trying not to remember the events i went through and wondering why i'm not wanted by my parental figures etc.
i just wanted the actual father or somewhat mother figure that cared , said they were proud , didn't have anger issues , or physically (sometimes)/ mentally abuse me.
i was forced out of the house i lived at two years ago because of the assault my father figure (uncle) had done , put into my biological fathers where it's just as toxic and physically/mentally abusing as before.
other topic that i've spoken aboutis agre - which is a mindset where you enter that is younger than a age you actually are.
they're mostly due to traumas , having this mound set allows one to slip into the mindset they were taken from at a younger age.
