don't blame yourself, it was my fault too (a kaghehina angst)

Part 3: As people said

Date today: January 1, 2020

this chapter focuses more on Kageyama's feelings toward Hinata

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Kageyama's POV

I was sleeping peacefully until I heard my phone buzz. Who would message me at 12 AM? I grabbed my phone to check. Hinata. Who else?

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Shoyo Hinata

Happy new year Kageyama-kun!!!

Do you want to go celebrate tomorrow with Tanaka-san and Noya-san?

Me

no

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Truth is, I do wanna go. I wanna go with him alone. Not with Tanaka and Nishinoya.

Shoyo Hinata is important to me.

I don't show it but that's how I feel about him. He made me trust other people more. He made me feel welcomed in this team and he trusted me too. Sometimes, I do feel bad about being so mean to him. I do wanna change. But the sudden change would be obvious.

I don't want other people to think that I like him or something.

People often shipped us as a joke. We never really talked about it since it didn't really bother us. Oftentimes, I would jokingly ask Hinata for being gay since he never liked any girls. He always said no and shrugged it off while laughing. Some of my friends even told me that it looked like Hinata liked me.

Whenever I think about what they said, I understood it and reasoned with it. But only for a split second. Then wonder why the hell anyone would like anyone as unfavorable as me.

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When I was a child, I rarely got compliments. I barely felt loved at all.

My parents worked abroad so I lived with my grandfather and my old sister. My sister was always busy with her school-life and friends. We were close physically, yet we were so distant emotionally. I knew that she loved me, but she never prioritized me in her life. To her, I was just "there."

My grandfather is in his late sixties, while my grandmother died giving birth to my dad. He was the type of person who was shy around strangers but very talkative around his loved ones. He took care of me and my sister when we were young. But now we take care of him.

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The reason why I blush every time Hinata compliments me is that I never received those back in middle school.

Especially since it came from a boy.

Most of my acquaintances were scared of me and my serious attitude. No one really tried to know me and befriend me. I was always alone wondering why people disliked me.

Hinata was the only person who accepted my flaws and tried to help me overcome them too.