Cal Pal

Letter 7

Dear Lucas,

        I'm not sure how I've made it this long without you. It's been 3 months now. I don't think I can take it much longer. When Michael tried to get me to eat this morning, I grabbed the fork and stabbed myself in the hand. It's okay. He wrapped me up. Pain is the only way I can get rid of the thoughts of you. Of finding out you left me. Of realizing you won't be coming back. You won't be coming back... Fuck, Luke. You were my entire life! I loved you! I still love you! I can't handle this. Everything around me, it all seems to be under water. I seem to be under water. I don't hear music the same. Especially our music. Remember that song we wrote together, Luke? I can't listen to it without crying for hours afterwards. I'm drowning, Luke. I'm drowning in the sadness. You may have ended your sadness when you left, but you didn't end mine. I feel bad for Ashton and Michael. They are trying to help me. I don't care as much as I should, but I still don't want to be the reason why they are in more pain. Luke, you're putting me through hell, here. I don't wanna be in hell anymore.

Until death do us part,

        Cal Pal xx