Hated by life itself (SaiOuma) [discontinued]

Chapter 3

~~Ouma Kokichi~~

"It's too late to apologize, Saihara. I can't stay here, I'm in a hurry. Goodbye."

A lie. I wasn't that much in a hurry. I could, in fact, stay here for hours and no one would even bother calling me. I just didn't want to stay here, with him only. No way I'm doing this anymore. After all, though my initial feelings didn't disappear, most of them had been masked by anger and sadness. I chuckled thinking about it. It had been a while since he last acknowledged my existence, so why now ? I continued walking, and when I was far enough, I turned around. The happiness on his face when talking with Kaede was real, and she seemed just as happy with him. I remembered the times I had the same smile. Did I miss my chance to smile forever ? Probably. Did I care ? Not that much anymore. Or so I thought.

 I opened my bag to take my phone and stared at the black screen for a while, not lighting it up. I was walking home slowly, the cold breath of the autumn wind blowing dead leaves around. I finally opened my phone and went straight to the agenda.

I added a new weekly event on Tuesdays to remember I had a club now. 

I chose the Escape room club last minute, after noticing how boring the drama club was and how I hated what it was about. I sure was good at lying but man this was not for me. And it was Ultimate-free anyway, which other clubs I could've been interested in were not. Also, Hajime Hinata, a really nice second-year student who I'd hang out with on freetime, though our schedules were opposites, and his best friends were going to the club. 

My thoughts drifted back to Shuichi. Who was I fooling ? Myself. I knew it, deep inside of me, that no matter what I pretended, I still loved him. The simple fact I stopped when he wanted to apologize was the proof. But I couldn't do it. Because life smiled at him, was gentle with him, would never try to make him feel bad on purpose... Would it ? I don't know, but I'm sure it was harsher with me. But why did he even want to apologize ? Kaede and Kaito hated me, and so did most of our classmates, so no one would probably ask him. I doubted it would be his own consciousness who told him to go after me, so who ? After all, after what happened that day, it couldn't be genuine. It was my fault for over reacting. 

I opened the door to the appartment I lived in, entered , took my scarf off and back on the coat-rack, and I walked straight to my room, grabbing a grape soda bottle on my way. "I'm back." I screamed before closing the door, though no one would hear it.

Next day was a Wednesday,my shortest schoolday of the week. I only had boring classes sadly, and I would come back home right after school ended because I had practically no one to talk to, my second-year friends having more classes.  I was going to ghost Shuichi when I'd go back to school tomorrow, and pretend like nothing happened. Because if I was the one to go and apologize, he'd reject the apology. Again. 

I did my homeworks while finishing my soda, and then, after seeing the time, went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I made myself a simple sandwich to eat, and went back to my room. Being alone in this appartment was truly, for once, calming. I generally would stress that she'd find out I was here and bring me back to her house, but for once, my thoughts were elsewhere. 

I fell asleep quickly, my thoughts focusing on Shuichi.

~~~~~

I suddenly woke up, on the verge of tears. That nightmare again...

That nightmare where I was going to die crushed by an hydraulic press in some kind of hangar. Where I had Kaito in front of me who wouldn't stop the press, no matter how many times I'd ask him to. Where everyone would gather to discuss my death, to finally declare it wasn't too bad that I wasn't here anymore. 

Where most of them would end up dying. 

I looked at my room's clock : it was seven in the morning, and since I had classes at eight, I considered myself lucky. I took a quick shower, dressed up and packed my bag for school. 

Only thirty minutes before classes started, uh ? I took my scarf from the coat-rack and left the appartment.

I was used to walk in the cold morning breeze, since I had to go to school by walk every single day. It woke me up and I actually had time to think about everything.

My thoughts wandered off to my nightmare. I knew it wasn't the first time I had it, but it scared me even more than before this time. Was it because of Shuichi yesterday ? No, it can't be... My thoughts kept coming back to the same point : Shuichi. What happened to me? 

I finally walked into the school ten minutes before my first class started, and trying to get him out of my head, I checked my phone to kknow where to go. Once I knew what room I needed to go to, I walked towards it.

Why didn't my thoughts shift like they used to ? Why couldn't I get him out of my head ? 

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[A/N] For Atua's sake this was hard to write. Wattpad hates me xD 

I'll try to continue updating quickly ! I've planned a few chapters (okay, only two) and I have a lot of inspiration ! Thanks for reading this :D