Partners, Always [Book One] EDITING

{Chapter Thirty-Eight}

{Chapter Thirty-Eight}

"Start Digging"

{Chicago PD: S3 Ep23}

[Elena's POV]

My eyes were red, my cheeks were stained from tears and I felt a headache beginning to form as my feet guided me through the station and into the locker room, I couldn't bear to go into the bullpen, I didn't want to face the rest of the team and their worry about my stability and emotions and their questioning if I was okay, I'm not stable, I'm not in control of my emotions and I'm not okay. I don't know what I am at this very minute in time.

I pulled open my locker door and reached for my pain meds on the shelf but stopped when I caught a glimpse of a photo stuck to the inside of my door, I turned to see it fully and sucked in a breath when I saw it was a photo from when I was a teenager, Justin and I were playing around and Erin got a photo of Justin giving me a piggyback, we're both laughing and genuinely happy.

Instead of tears forming like expected, anger rushed through me, all the pain and tears were gone, now I was angry, a stage I didn't think I'd get to for a few more hours. I slammed the door shut and angrily forced my balled-up fists into the locker door harder enough I felt the skin on my knuckles break but I didn't feel any pain, I wasn't allowing myself to process it, so I did it again.

Eventually hands wrapped around my upper arms and pulled me away from the locker, I didn't even hear Jay's voice when he first walked into the locker room, I was too angry. He guided me onto one of the benches and I looked down at my fists which were beginning to bleed but I still couldn't feel the pain, not yet anyway.

"We're going to figure this out, we're gonna get the guy," Jay said gently,

"I shouldn't have left him," I said quietly, "We were at a park, not far from where we found Justin... I left to come back here and work on the case... but if I'd have stayed with him... then his might not have happened, Daniel might still have a father if I hadn't of left the park,"

"You don't know that," Jay said softly, tears began to fill my eyes as the anger began to fade, I lent my head against Jay's chest, his arms wrapping around me tightly, instead of trying to hold back the tears like before, I let them fall freely, knowing Jay wouldn't let go until I was ready.

{}{}{}

"Everybody needs to hold on real tight, and you all know what I mean," Antonio told the entire team, including me and Erin, who were gathered in the bullpen, Hank had taken off after Justin arrived at Med and I had a feeling he was looking for tips on who did this or he was getting money to encourage people to start talking. "If at any point you're not comfortable with something, you come and tell me."