Palla My Love

and the days stretch on...

I knew it was madness, and by that, I knew I could not be mad. I also knew that I must return to Betaniqi's palace to see the mystical statue of my beloved Palla engaged in that final, fatal battle with the monster once more.

Return I did, over and over again. Walking down the lonely halls full of antiques over and over, each time feeling more guilty then the last the moment I saw Betaniqi’s face light up when she saw me return so frequently.

"Ash!" She would say with glee, dropping whatever task she was doing just to come greet me. I would always reply with the same energy, she had grown to become my only true friend.

"Miss Betaniqi" she scowled playfully at my greeting.

"I remember telling you last time to call me Niqi, won't you please?"

"sorry Niqi, force of habit" I lied, I always felt a strong guilt towards calling her by her nickname, Betaniqi was a kind soul. She was just lonely in her world of noblemen and women .And In her innocence, unaware of my twisted compassions, she welcomed my company.

We could talk for hours, joke around and of course she would reflect with me about all her worries and fears of being in such a strange environment. The nobles of her age treated her differently, this was because of her unnoble lineage, because her mother and father had earned their properties and titles many years ago, she was not considered to be one of them.

"You don't want to have anything to do with them, they look down on everyone"

"You're right, who needs them!" she smiled again, that toothy slightly bashful grin she only shows when she's with me. As reprehensible as it is I thank those stupid rich whoresons who ignored her, now I finally had a friend.

Every time we saw each other we would end up taking a walk to the reflecting pond where I would always stop absolutely breathless before the sculpture of her Betaniqi's mother, Palla.

"It's a marvelous tradition you have, preserving these figures of your ancestors at their finest moments," I said, I never took my eyes off the statue but I could feel her curious gaze burning holes into the side of my head.

"And the craftsmanship is without parallel."

"You wouldn't believe me," Betaniqi laughed so freely "But it was a bit of scandal when my great grandfather began the family custom. We Redguards hold a great reverence for our families...however we are not the most talented regarding the creative arts. We are warriors, not artists" I nodded, listening to her words contentedly.

"He actually hired a traveling artist to create the first statues of his grandfather and father, everyone admired them so much up until the day it was revealed that the artist was an elf. An Altmer from the Summerset Isle."

"Scandal!" I joked with her.

"it truly was" she nodded, her tone serious.

You see Redguards don't particularly like magic, I was surprised that Betaniqi would even consider talking to me, Elves are connected with magic through their bodies and souls. I had known of the Redguards c
Attitude towards the elves, who didn't? Redguards considered elves to be stuck up, tree-huggers weaker than any. And the Elves? They saw them as incompetent and savages that hold no compassion to the world around them or those below them.

"The idea that the hands of a pompous, wicked elf had formed these mighty figures of noble Redguard warriors was unthinkable, profane, irreverent, everything bad you can imagine and the villagers voiced their opinions, loudly." she looked across the pond at a statue of an old, well built man who stood proudly above a recently hunted bear.

"But my great grandfather's heart only saw it for the beauty of it, and his philosophy of using the best to honor the best passed all the way through my family to me. I would not have even considered having a lesser artist create the statues of my parents, even if it would have been more allegiant to my culture."

I knew what she meant, the statues around the academy were all made by students that once attended and being more suitable for magic then arts, they weren't exactly historically accurate.

"They're all exquisite," I said, looking around at the rest but not moving from Pallas statute.

"But you like the one of my mother most of all, don't you?" she smiled, I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise. I panicked, thinking she had somehow figured out my intentions. Then she continued.

"I see you look at it even when you seem to be looking at the others. It's my favorite also."

I let out an audible sigh of relief, as I tried to get more details.

"Would you tell me more about her?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and conversational.

"Oh, she would have said she was nothing extraordinary, but she was," the girl said, she crouched down and picked out the weeds poking up from the cracks in the path as she reminisced. "My father died when I was quite young, so she had many roles to fill, mother, leader, warrior -but she did them all effortlessly. We have a great many business interests and she was brilliant at managing everything. Certainly better than I am now. All it took was her smile and everyone obeyed, and those that didn't paid very dearly. She was very witty and charming, but a formidable force when the need arose for her to fight. Hundreds of battles, but I can never remember a moment of feeling neglected or unloved. I always thought she was too strong for death. Stupid, I know." she laughed a sad pitiful laugh towards her younger naive self. "But when she went to battle that -- that horrible creature, that freak from a mad wizard's laboratory, I never, not once thought she would not return to me, that she wouldn't come back, beasts head in hand, a trophy of her victorious battle." Niqi paused, she wiped her eyes with her sleeve before continuing "but the days turned into weeks and with no sign of her or the monster. She was successful in her mission." she looked over at me, I could tell she just wanted something to look at that wasn't her mothers statue as she continued.

"She was always kind to her friends and ruthless to her enemies. What more can one say about a woman than that?"

Poor Betaniqi's eyes teared up once again with remembrance. What sort of villain was I to goad her so, in order to satisfy my longings? Sheogorath could never have conflicted a mortal man more than me. I found myself both weeping and filled with desire. Palla not only looked like a goddess, but from her daughter's story, she was one.

Feeling the bitter emptiness her conversations left a sharp impression in my chest,  I left shortly after our meeting. And that night while undressing for bed, I rediscovered the black disc I had stolen from Magister Tendixus's office weeks before. I had half-forgotten about its existence. The amulet that was said to raise a loved one from the dead. I paused and almost by pure instinct, I found myself placing the disc on my heart.

"Palla."

An unexpected and momentary chill filled my room. The breath of my words formed and hung in the air as a dark mist before dissipating. Frightened, I dropped the disc. It fell to the floor with a hard metal clang and snapped me out of my trance, and with it the inescapable conclusion: the artifact could give me what I desired.