'Tis the Season

Chapter 15: Lone Mitten

Chapter Fifteen: Lone Mitten

I sat anxiously at the end of Carson's bed, waiting for him to bring up whatever it was he wanted to talk about. He looked just as anxious as I was and I wasn't sure what to do to help ease the unpleasant tension between us.

"So, you're living here, with me. And now that we're officially dating I just wanted to make sure you were still comfortable with that? I mean, it doesn't change anything for me and I don't want to kick you out, but I felt like it needed to be talked about."

I sigh, knowing he's right. It was one thing to live together when we'd been on two dates, now that we've made it official I don't want things to be weird.

"Okay. Uh, I don't really know where to start," I admit, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Alright, I guess I'll start. I feel the need to disclaim that I want us to keep moving at our own pace- we don't have to take any steps that you're not ready for," he rubs the side of his neck and I'm unable to make eye contact. This is so awkward.

"Yeah, I agree. I know that we're moving kind of fast, but I think that just because the opportunity to let things escalate further is constantly there, doesn't necessarily mean that it needs to be taken right away."

"Ok, good," Carson nods, not meeting my eyes either.

"Then there's the matter of I don't want it to feel like we're suddenly playing house or something, you know? I think we can still stay in separate rooms and take our own time, have our own space, do our own things without having to be attached at the hip. I don't want this to put pressure on us, and I still want us to go out and have dates. I don't want us to just spend all our time together here, I think we should treat it like normal dating in a way, does that make sense?"

I nod. "I see what you're saying, yeah. I think especially since this has been happening so fast it's good to kind of have some space to ourselves even if we're living together. It's not healthy to be around each other 24/7 at this stage of a relationship- please don't take that offensively. I love spending time with you and I constantly crave your company but I don't want to suddenly feel like I'm married either."

Carson hums in agreement. "So, with all that said, do you still think you're okay staying here? Or would you feel better at Mountain Ridge?"

I toy with the bottom of his bedspread. "Carson, honestly? I can stay anywhere. I'm grateful for everyone's generosity to me and I will take what I can get. This is your house, I think you should make that decision."

Carson stops my hands with his own and for the first time during this complicated conversation we make eye contact.

"Naomi, I love having you here. I don't want you to think that I don't because, for some weird reason, having you here to spend the holidays with my family just feels right. And they all adore you just as much as I do. I just want to make sure we're both absolutely comfortable with this situation, I don't want this to accidentally ruin anything between us when what we have right now is growing into something so amazing."

I exhale, feeling a bit more relieved. "Well, I think that me staying here definitely changes things. We can pretend it doesn't, but it does. However, I don't think that those changes have to necessarily be bad, you know? They can be good changes.

"I don't feel pressure to speed our relationship up or act in a way that feels unnaturally to me just because I'm living here. Yes, we're definitely moving at a faster than normal speed, but I like how we are. I think this is a pace that just works for us, and maybe it will plateau a bit or maybe it will speed up more, but I think if we just keep being open and going with the flow of this, we'll be okay. Some combinations of people might need more time before they fall into things, but we work like this."