Father, Where are you? (Completed)

Chapter 4

It has been like this for the past 10 years. I felt that when I become a teenager it got worse for me. The nights became suffocating for me, it was hard for me to sleep daily. I was fed up of all of this. I questioned the purpose of my life. “What was I doing here?” “Why couldn’t it be me that was gone and not him?” Usually, these days I am low-spirited or distressed. I just wanted him back and I couldn’t get that. No one could ever replace him. I lost a wing that helped me fly.

As a teen, you already go through so much cause of the mood swings and hormonal changes have made me turn from being the brightest kid to someone with no life in her eyes. As my father’s case started to spread in school almost everyone knew about it. Some of them were always supportive and encouraged me never to lose hope. But some saw it as a way to use it against me since it became my weakness. I got bullied all the time by girls because now I didn’t have a father, so for them, it was always fun to tease me about it. They wouldn’t care if I would start crying. Even if I would try fighting back it was of no point. They would win in the end. They would always lock me in the bathrooms or punch me or throw me down pulling pranks on me or do something that would just ruin my day.

Luckily my friends are always around to help me, stand up for me and comfort me. I’m glad I don’t use social media at all. I don’t like that idea too much.

The one app I do use is Snapchat and that’s for friends and family, that too, is private so I don’t have to worry about them bullying me online. I wouldn’t dare tell my mother because I know she is already going through a lot herself. Any bruises I would have I would cover them up as much as possible.

I would lie to her saying that I got hit by a pole or fell down really hard. I’ll be honest, I am very clumsy so she wouldn’t have a hard time believing that. She doesn’t show it because she wants to be strong in front of us. But there have been times where I have her seen her cry out her heart. I would always go in and hug her. I didn’t like to see her cry but I knew what she was going through.

She now has 2 roles on her shoulder, to be a father and a mother for me and Isla. At times, she would come and check up on me and has caught me crying at night. She would console me right away. Read a book to me, tell me stories, play a little something or sing to me.

I’m always so grateful that she stuck with me and has supported both me and Isla all these years. Isla normally comes to me when she faces any difficulty. She also doesn’t want to burden Mom with her issues. But I’ve always told her that she could come to me anytime she needs me. It upsets me a lot that she gets bullied too and only she knows about me getting bullied as well.

I come and stand up for her. Although she wants to be strong and dependent, I help her out when I can. Our family has also helped us a lot. They would come over regularly and make the house a lively place again. Normally if it’s just the 3 of us, it’s quite depressing since we’re all in our own rooms. We all sit together for our meals, play board games and watch TV shows together.

It’s just that when they come over it’s not the 3 of us and we won’t think of dad as much, so it’s alright. Aunt Brittany would sometimes tell us to come to her restaurant and lend her a hand. Honestly, it’s refreshing to go there and work.

Although it’s not my dream to run a restaurant, it is like a good part time job to do. Normally I help with the presentation of the food, baking or something small. Isla would help with serving the orders. I learned a lot from the experience about the culture and the food. One day I would love to travel to china with Mom and Isla.

On the weekends, I go to the animal shelter to volunteer with my friends. I’m obsessed with cute animals and would love to have a cat one day. The main reason we can’t have one is because

I’m going to be going to university in about a year. And for better education, Mom was suggesting me to go another country for studies. I’m not too sure about the idea because Mom would be alone then. I want to Isla with me as well since it will be a lot better for the both of us. She won’t be bullied anymore and can live a much more peaceful life somewhere else with me

Even though all of our aunts and uncles would be with Mom, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go. I know one day I have to leave but I feel like I’m just not ready to leave yet. Aside all that, since today is the weekend, I’m getting ready to go to the animal shelter. I did my hair in a ponytail and wore comfortable clothes since it’s going to be a long day. I was getting ready when I suddenly hear my phone ring.