Home [Luke Hemmings] (completed)

nineteen

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To Luke,

It has been exactly fourteen days since we last spoke, the longest we've not ever.

I think I'm losing my mind, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I've lost sleep just re-reading our messages, the only thing I have left apart from the ring and your jacket. I wear the jacket every night and still haven't taken off the ring, knowing they might bring me closer to you.

I've gone back to school and all the teachers are concerned about me as I am not doing anything and just stare that the wall (that's what missing the sound of your voice does to me), I think they are diagnosing me as depressed, although I have been for years.

My therapy starts tomorrow.

Alicia.

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I folded up the letter and put it in a envelope and posted it, knowing he'd probably never read it but keeping it there for a fake sense of security. I had sort of given up on talking to him but I didn't want to have to let go.

School had been worse than usual constantly being watched for my every move, it sucks. I don't know what to do anymore, life has gotten worse and worse, it feels as though I'm drowning.

I need him next to me, even if it's on Skype, I just want him to know that I love him but I can't. He doesn't know I'm hurting, he doesn't know I'm breaking and I can't tell him. He can't keep me up till three am singing sweet songs until I fall safely asleep, I can't even hear him talk. I don't know where he is.

My Dad is definitely not coming round on the idea of me not going to Therapy and he still wants me to despite my pleas. I can't go. If Luke comes back I won't be there to see him, and I can't let that happen.

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I woke up knowing today was the day I started my 'road of recovery' as the teachers called it, aka help for crazy people.

I decided not to make an effort for something I am going to despise. I put black jeans, a black t shirt, and Luke's hoodie on, and put a beanie on. I grabbed my shoes and put them on as I walked out the door.

The air felt how it should this month, cold and harsh. I pulled the hoodie closer to me as I walked towards the bus. I felt as though everyone was looking at me even though they weren't, maybe I am going crazy.

I got off a stop before my actual one not wanting people to know where I was going and started walking towards the building. I hugged the hoodie, fighting against the wind to walk. I turned a corner and saw my fate, 'Safe Haven- A home away from home'.

As I walked in a lady smiled cheerfully at me waving her hand in order for me to go over to her. I slowly made my way over to the desk, not happily.

"Who are you lovely?" The lady said, her voice ringing throughout the room.

"Alicia Dee-Connell." I muttered under my breath.

"Oh yeah, seeing Dr Smith, he'll be right with you just take a seat." She told me before tapping on the computer.

I slowly sat down actually taking in the room. It was bleak and unnerving, it made you want there to be an accident just for change. Everyone around you was silent almost alarming when you did hear someone speak.

"Alicia Dee-Connell?" A voice suddenly said, I sat up shocked hearing my name.

I slowly stood up and walked towards the man. He was a slim man with a large beard, almost too big for his head. He was wearing a dark suit which looked like it was brand new, all sharply cut.

He smiled and showed me to a room, with Dr Smith on it. He sat down behind his desk and pulled a chair out for me.

"Alicia, how are you?" He asked me smiling.

"Fine." I said with the least expression I could.

"Okay so that's a no, why do you think you're here?" He questioned.

"Because I am sad and the only person who made me happy is gone." I stated blankly, trying to stop tears from bulding up.

"What was their name?" He asked.

"Luke. Luke Hemmings." I told him holding back tears.

"And where is he now?"

"If only I knew."

"Do you know why he made you so happy?"

"Yes, he would tell me cheesy jokes, tell me I'm beautiful for no apparent reason, and most of all me made me feel worth something." I told him tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

"So he was your boyfriend?"

I slowly nooded not able to speak, everything was just making me think of Luke and how much I miss him. I wish I could cuddle him and for him to tell me everything will be okay, and for him to sing softly to me until I fell asleep; all of this is impossible now.

"I think you've had enough for today, I'll arrange another appointment for you if that's okay?" He told me standing up.

I nodded and stood up and as well, I quickly said goodbye before rushing out of the room wanting to leave the place. I pratcially ran out of the building, the whole thought of it making me feel sick.

I caught the next bus to the coffee shop, needing to clear my head of everything. Everything I thought about lead back to Luke I could never escape it, how could one boy cause so much healing then damage to one girl?

I didn't know what to do I felt my whole life close around me trapping me in. I tried to fight it off, but ended up crying against the window of a stupid coffee shop oer a stupid, but amazing boy.

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AN:I DECIDED TO A DOUBLE UPDATE AS ONE I WAS GETTING SPAMMED AND TWO 1K :ooooooo

YOU'RE WELCOME RACHEL (@the_stylish_mr_styles)