The Fear of Letting Go (BoyXBoy)

Chapter Fifteen; If We're Going to Do This (Part 1)

Although West's house is fairly close to the Clary's and the ride usually went by in a flash, tonight, it was different. The road felt long and winding and the time passed very slowly. Neither of us had bothered reaching for the radio and even though I tried to lighten the mood with a joke or two, West didn't reply, so the ride was also silent. Not that I really minded, however. My mind was still completely reeling after what had just happened.

Because my thoughts seemed to be going about a mile a minute, you would think that I could think of something else to say aside from idle chit chat. That was not the case.

Even though I felt like I was thinking so many different things at once and my mind was just swirling, for some reason, I couldn't think of anything at all to say. So, instead of pushing him to speak, I simply shut my mouth and scooted over to the middle seat, looping my arm through his and resting my head on his shoulder.

Unsurprisingly, he still felt incredibly tense, reminding me vaguely of one of those springy toys that were always ready to jump. I tried to soothe him the best that I could by running my hand up and down his arm but it didn't really seem to be working much. I attempted to just keep my eyes forward, not to stare at him, but I couldn't help myself and I kept stealing small glances at him.

He looked as though he was focusing on the road but I knew better. I could see the fire still burning behind his eyes. He leaned on his hand that rested against the window, biting lightly at his nails as he did so.

I just couldn't seem to wrap my head around what happened. I had never seen my mother look like that... So off guard, full of embarrassment. West did that. He stuck up for me. I've never seen him get mad or even slightly irritated at anything, but he got that worked up for me. No one else that I've ever met had done something like that for me, or even felt like I was worth doing something like that.

Just like my racing mind, the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest also hadn't subsided since we left the Clary's house. I can't even begin to describe the high that I'm feeling right now.

When we finally pulled into West's driveway, my heart automatically leapt into my throat. I started to scramble, trying again to think of something, anything, to say but nothing was coming to mind. I slowly started to unbuckle my seat belt and slide out of the car when West sucked in a deep breath. I peaked over my shoulder just in time to see him close his eyes tightly and lean forward, resting his head on the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry," He finally spoke up softly. Although his voice was quiet, I could still hear the anger trembling behind it. I furrowed my brows.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"I'm just... sorry," He breathed, gripping the steering wheel, shaking his head. "You... You were right. You were totally right and I didn't listen to you. I shouldn't have come. I-I just wanted to be there to support you and-and then I completely lost it."

I paused, looking him over. Does he seriously feel bad about blowing up at my mother? Does he think that I'm mad at him because of that? My chest tightened and I couldn't help the smile rising on my cheeks. I leaned over, playfully bumping my shoulder against his.

"Are you kidding me? I'm glad you came. This was, like, the best day of my life."

"Liam, it isn't funny," He huffed, curling his lip. "I'm not joking."

"Neither am I."

He sighed, giving the steering wheel another squeeze. 

"I shouldn't have blown up like that. I should have kept my mouth shut b-but the way that she was talking to you- Holy shit the look on your face... I just couldn't take it. I just made things worse."