He Saved Me

Chapter 9

Dominque's Pov

"I need to call Finn."

I had brought us downstairs and Ashton was sitting back on the couch. I made my way out to the balcony and quickly selected Finn's number.

"What?" Finn asked after a few rings.

"Finn" I mumbled barely hearing myself.

"Dominique? Are you there? I'm kinda busy with things and if you're just calling to be a dick it's not the time alright?"

"Finn, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Dom, hey are you okay?"

Finn's voice was now much quieter and worried then before. I could tell I was scaring him which made me realize how unlike me this was. I wasn't somebody who had panic attacks and lost control of their bodies. No, I couldn't do that again, never again.

"Dom? I'm gonna come over, okay? I'll bring Jake and we'll be there in a few minutes."

The line went dead and I felt like the world was spinning. I couldn't handle this feeling again, I needed to be in control. 

"Dom? Are you okay?" Ashton asked.

I could tell he was afraid by the way his voice was shaking. I turned and saw him standing in the doorway unsure of what to do.

"You need to leave! You can't see me like this!" I yelled.

I was a dom, I was in control. Ashton couldn't see me like this he would think I was a failure. I was a failure.

"I want to help you, you help me sir. Let me help you, just tell me what to do sir."

Sir. Ashton was calling me sir. How could he use that title after the show I just put on? Hell, I still can't control myself. 

"Sir, I'm sorry." Ashton's voice made me refocus.

He was standing in front of me now but on his knees. I reached for him and pulled him into my arms. I could smell my shampoo in Ashton's hair as I ran my hand through his hair. I closed my eyes as we began to rock slowly back and forth.

"Dom? Dom where are you?" Finn called.

I didn't want to let Ashton go. I knew if I did I might never see him again. Who would want to be with somebody who couldn't control themselves? Who would want to be with a dom who was such a freak? Someone who said they wanted control of a sub but couldn't control themselves? How pathetic was I?

"In here!" Ashton called.

I heard Finn's footsteps getting closer and Ashton pulling away. I tried to hold on but he slipped from my arms.

"No." I mumbled.

"Dom! Hey, what the hell happened?" Finn asked shaking my shoulders.

I stared at him but couldn't speak. How do I tell him all the pathetic things I've done? How could I tell him he was right?

"We were talking and he started to have a panic attack. He was really upset and couldn't breathe and we went up on the roof. I tried to help, I really did, I'm sorry sir." Ashton said.

I opened my eyes trying to find him but he wasn't next to me. He was with Jacob near my bed and he was crying. Jacob was trying to calm him down but I was causing him to cry, again.

"Get him out of here." Finn said to Jacob who quickly left with Ashton. "Sit, come on Dom, sit down with me. I'm here, you're gonna be okay."

I sat down across from Finn but I couldn't meet his eyes. I was to pathetic to look a real dom in the eyes after everything that happened.

"You gotta tell me what happened. You really scared me when you called me freaking out. It was like before you came to live with me."

"I lost it Finn, I lost control and Ashton, he saw me. I lost it and I couldn't stop, I couldn't breathe. How pathetic am I?"

"You aren't pathetic at all Dom. You can't be brave and strong forever. You're still a great dom even though you had a panic attack. It doesn't make you any less of a person, you can still be in charge. You gotta tell me what happened though." Finn said.

I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. What happened? I don't know what happened, we were just talking and then I was losing it.

"Did Ashton say something? Did he do something to you?"

"Ashton, oh God, Finn he's going to hate me. I was a complete mess and there I was trying to tell him I wanted to be his dom. The great dom I am." I said with a laugh.

"Okay, so you guys talked. You explained your a dom and then what? 

"He thought I was a sadist so I tried to explain that I'm not. I don't want a contract with him, I want a relationship but I was to much. I couldn't stop talking and I was losing control, Finn I lost it."

"I don't understand? Ashton thought you were a sadist? Why did something happen?" Finn asked very gently.

"No, nothing happened, I didn't hurt him, okay? I told him we needed to talk but if he didn't like what I said he could still stay. He asked if I was a sadist and well I got freaked out. I don't want him to think of me like that. Sure I like whips and a little blood but with a consenting submissive. I don't want to do that to him Finn. I want to care for him and love him and protect him. I want to be his dom but not like me. I want to care about him and protect him not hurt him. Finn you gotta believe me." 

I was desperate for Finn to believe me, somebody needed to believe me. I wasn't that type of person, not the kind that purposely hurt someone.

"You aren't a sadist, Dom I know that. I know you're a good guy, it's okay, I'll talk to Ashton. It's okay Dom."

Finn pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me. As much as I hated the feeling of his arms around me I tried to remain calm. I was freaking out and needed to ground myself and this was working. 

"I'm gonna get Jake."

Finn was gone for a few seconds and then Jacob appeared. He sat on my bed and just stared at me.

"Can you stop it?" I asked.

"I don't understand what's happening Dom. I'm a little scared but I'm more worried about that boy out there. He's pretty upset and keeps asking what he did. So what did he do?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing." I said quickly not wanting Jacob to put any of the blame on Ashton.

"Well then tell me what happened? Does this have to do with your-"

"Don't you dare!" I yelled turning quickly so my back was to Jacob.

It was quite from a while as I tried to control my breathing.

"I'm sorry, that was dumb of me Dominique. Let's just talk about your sub out there."

"Ashton is not my submissive." I mumbled as I stared out the doorway to the balcony.

"Sir?" 

In the doorway stood Ashton with Finn right behind him. I wanted to reach for him but I was rooted in my spot.

"Sir, Finn told me I can stay with him if you want me to leave." Ashton mumbled as he wiped tears from his cheeks.

"Baby, no no no baby, I want you to stay here with me. I know I'm a mess but I'm scared of this." I said gesturing between us. "You make me feel things I've never felt. I'm scared Ashton."

I hated the words as soon as they left my mouth. I was so pathetic.