As I Was

Six

There was a sound of whirring machines as her eyes flickered open. Her head was spinning as she pushed herself up from where it had been resting on the hard floor.

Her aching legs were shaking as she forced herself up onto her feet. The strands of hair escaping her ponytail stuck to her sweaty forehead and her shaking fingers reached up to push it out of her eyes.

"She's awake. Send in another and keep the training going."

Harper reawoke so violently she almost fell off her office chair. She was so exhausted she didn't even remember falling asleep midway through reading one of the letters she had received earlier in the day.

Her heart was beating faster than it ever had as she pushed the chair away from her desk and made her way over to the mini fridge in the corner to grab a bottle of water. The dreams were getting worse, getting more and more realistic. The feelings she suffered through during them even carrying on once she woke up.

And that wasn't even the worst thing about them.

As time passed they were feeling less like dreams and more like memories.

She ran her hands down her pale and clammy face as she took in a deep breath. The over familiar dreams were haunting her mind and she knew she wouldn't be able to shake them. Growing up in foster care hadn't been the best at times and there were fuzzy moments, moments she had always thought she had pushed to the back of her mind to protect herself.

But now she was wondering whether the story she had always believed was the right one.

"Georgie loved her gift."

Harper jumped, knocking her - thankfully empty - mug off her desk and watching it shatter on the ground. She was so exhausted she hadn't even heard Ange come into the room.

"Good," she said, forcing a smile as she glanced up and pushed her hair from her face.

"She didn't love that you dodged her party."

Raising her eyes to the ceiling Harper let out a sigh as she dropped herself back down onto her chair "I...something...something came up I'm sorry," she said rubbing her eyes and leaning back in her seat "I made sure to drop her present and card off, I wrote her an apology note."

"Apology notes don't cut it with teenage girls H!" Ange exclaimed and Harper winced, reaching up with both hands to massage her temples "I don't know what's going on with you but this isn't right...are you hungover?"

"Hungo-no!" Harper exclaimed with a shake of her head as she got up onto her feet, the chair flying backwards and crashing into the file cabinet behind her "No of course not. I just...I can't tell you at the moment but there's just something going on in my life and-"

Harper was cut off by Ange shaking her head "There never used to be anything you couldn't tell me," she said before she turned her back and walked out of the office.

"Shit," she said beneath her breath as she sat back down, almost missing the chair and swearing once more, and reached for the letter she had been reading when she fell asleep. As much as she tried to focus on the words scrawled across the page she just couldn't take them in.

Screwing up her eyes she pinched the bridge of her nose and threw the letter back down onto her desk. She had never had a fight with Ange before, had never done anything to upset her since she had known her and yet here she was. Barely a month after bumping into Bucky Barnes in the museum and she was a completely different person.

Taking in a deep breath she pushed herself up onto her feet. Her legs were aching after her early morning run but she ignored it as she pulled open her door and followed in Ange's footsteps, ready to apologise.