Damaged Wings

Chapter 9: Scared & Scarred

I'm awake but not fully. I think I'm on the couch and I can sort of make out what people are saying.

"What the hell happened?" I think I hear Peeta say.
"I don't know. She told me she was gonna catch up and when I thought she was taking too long I went back but she wasn't there." Johanna?

I groan and try to sit up but I get pushed back down. It reminds me of Gale and I panic. I push their hands away and sit straight up. I look around and see Peeta, Haymitch, and Johanna all staring at me.

"Katniss, what happened to you?" Asked Peeta. He tries to touch my cheek but I flinch away. He looks pretty offended and confused. No way am I telling him what happened.

I look at Johanna and she looks at me as if she knows. Does she?
"Let me talk to her alone."
Peeta looks at me but I avoid him. I see him nod from the corner of my eye and him and Haymitch leave.

I turn to Johanna and say,"You know, don't you?"
She shrugs,"It's easy to tell when it's happened to you. But that's not the point. Who did this to you Katniss?"
I look away. I really don't want to talk about this.

I get up from the couch and walk towards the door, but before I open it Jo says,"He's out there. You can try run away Katniss, but he's out there and if he did it once he could do it again." She's right. I'm trapped. See if Peeta didn't stop me before I wouldn't be in this fucking situation.

I hate myself. I'm dirty, ugly, used, damaged, stupid, and I want- no I need to die. Gale was right. I did deserve it. It's all my fault. I start to hyperventilate. The first sign of one of my panic attacks or hallucinations. This isn't good.

I think Jo notices what's going on and tries to help me. Once she touches my arm I feel Gale and pull away, knocking over a vase. She seems to realize that touching me is a bad idea and she looks stuck. I'm really freaking out right now. I need to end this.

I guess the boys were only waiting just outside the door for us because Peeta comes running in after that loud crash. He comes towards me but all I can see is reminders of Gale; him hitting and-and raping me. I see him trying to attack me again.

I scream and run to the kitchen. Before anyone can stop me I grab a knife. I press it against my wrist and look up. All three of them are staring at me with fear in their eyes, wondering if I'll actually do it.

I wonder how I must look right now; bloody, bruised, broken, & crying. I probably look legitimately crazy. Maybe I am. No, I know I am.

Peeta speaks first.
"Katniss, please, please put down the knife. I need you. Don't leave me. Please. Just put it down, we can talk about this. I love you, always." He's already crying, along with Johanna, & I think I see Haymitch on the verge of tears. I'm ruining these peoples lives. I'm a monster. A mutt. A murderer.

I reply with one, simple word. "No."

I drag the blade hard across my skin and blood immediately runs out of the wound. That's when Johanna runs at me, trying to take the knife away. We wrestle on the floor for a while with Haymitch and Peeta trying to help Jo out and break us up. I manage to get a clear shot and I take it.

I've just stabbed myself in the stomach.

I pull the knife out and drop it. Everyone stops and stares in shock. Haymitch runs towards the phone, I think, & I hear Peeta and Jo freaking out, talking to me, trying to put pressure on the would.

I keep fighting them for a while until finally I black out.

//

Pretty short chapter, but oh well, I got my point across.

Well Katniss tried again. I mean in this story, if I were her, I'd probs do the same thing. What Gale did was a major trigger for her. Damn this story is an emotional roller coaster for me & I'm the one writing it. 😂

-elyssa 💁