Dead To Me

Avonlea

It's kind of like the weeks go by, blurring into one another, just.. with the pregnancy. i barely pay any attention to it, because i'm still confused.

I still haven't told Draco, i can't. i can't look at him or talk to him or think of him, because i can't leave him in the past, i'm carrying a piece of him everywhere i go, whatever i do, and that's enough to make me want to fall apart.

I've started showing, the tiny bump on my stomach reminding me of him every time i look in the mirror. It's still early, 8 weeks, and the bump is so small it's barely noticeable, to anyone, but me.

I was sitting at the top of the astronomy tower, my feet hanging over, feeling the cold wind make the tears dropping down my cheeks almost freeze there. It was few days after Draco, when i heard the door open. I jumped, and when i turned around, a tall, red headed Gryffindor was standing there. He was about to leave, but when he saw i was crying, he wouldn't. He sat with me, day after day, listening to me go on about Draco, looking shocked when i told him the stuff he said, until i didn't need or want to talk about him anymore. Until the brown eyes which had become so familiar to me suddenly weren't, and when he came close to me i could breathe. Until it was 3am, and we were both on the floor of the astronomy tower, laughing and watching the stars, and my head was on his shoulder, and he looked down on me, his red hair messy and his eyes bright, and his lips... and i kissed him, and he kissed me back, and i assured him he wasn't taking advantage of me and then... everything felt perfect, and i didn't need to think of Malfoy because i had someone who cared, properly cared, and wasn't hiding secrets from me

but i didn't tell him about the pregnancy, not yet.

but as i look in the mirror, at the tiny bump on my stomach, at my breasts which are fuller and painful... i can't ignore it, fuck i can't hide it.

I hear a knock at the door, making me jump. I throw my t-shirt back on, as the handle turns, and Fred pokes his head in.

Fred: Are you ready Avonlea ?

I smile at him, as he walks in and holds my hands.

Fred: Dumbass, you're shaking ? my friends aren't scary !

i look down at my hands, they are shaking. i look back up.

Avonlea: I know, i.. i don't know

He leans down and kisses me, gently.

Fred: You know how adorable you are darling ?

Avonlea: no, i think you better remind me...

He picks me up, and sits me down on the counter, kissing me. He puts his hand on my thigh, moving it slowly up, and up, and up, until he's inches away. I smile and push his hand away. I bite his lip, gently, pulling it, before leaning back.

Avonlea: I think we have people to meet Freddie...

He laughs and helps me down, holding my hand and walking out of the room.