Ladies First (Zayn Malik) Book 4

Chapter 47

The weeks passed by and soon the boys were home again. I have to admit, having a chance to be with my family helped. They helped calm me down and begin to feel better. I’d even cracked a smile since returning. Still though, I’d go out to my backyard every day and see our names engraved in the tree. On a few occasions I’d been so angry I’d taken a knife out there, intent on destroying it, but I never could. It was as if that would be admitting it was over and I couldn’t do that despite everything.  The best part about being home was how slow everything was. I was used to being rushed from place to place. Everything was so high-energy; I never had time to relax. Despite time moving slowly, it was still moving too fast for me. Each week that passed was one week closer to me losing Emily forever. It was a little over 6 months till June. I had to get over her and I knew it, but I just couldn’t. I was stuck.

When the boys were back though, I knew it was time to get back to work. I had a lot to make up for and I knew that. Each of us was put in charge of planning a charity event to help get us back in on the public’s good side. Louis threw another soccer game, indoor because of the cold, Niall hosted a bake off, which I think was just an excuse to eat, and Harry held an event for teen moms which on the surface sounds suspicious, but he spent most of the time playing with the kids.

I didn’t really care much what we did, so for my part, we went to a bunch of hospitals and did things with Ray of Sunshine. Liam’s idea was where things got tricky though. He wanted to do something to get the fans involved. His idea was to have a karaoke night where anyone could sign up and perform to the audience. All of us would preform a song, and a few other guests, but besides that, it would be a chance for the fans to show us what they could do. Money raised from ticket sales would go to his charity. It was a good idea, but I don’t think anyone realized how quickly the list would fill up. Not even 20 seconds after it was announced, there was already enough people on the list to have us go all night.

The place sold out also, after Liam convinced Ed and JLS to show. Niall had even talked about asking Justin to show, but I’m not sure if he could fit that into his schedule.

The night of the event, I was slipping back into one of those moods. It seemed so much like an X Factor performance and thinking of the X Factor reminded me of her.  After the obligatory pictures with the fan performers, we camped out in our dressing room until it was our turn to perform. Liam opened the show singing Cry Me a River, which didn’t help with me trying to forget about the X Factor thing. The audience loved it though. There were a few more fan performers before Niall sang. They had the words on the screen since it was supposed to be a karaoke thing, but it seemed like most of the fans had been rehearsing since they’d signed up and no one really needed the words. Niall sang Boyfriend, and Ed sang Little Things, which seemed to be bending the rules if you ask me since he wrote the song but whatever. With each song sung, I slumped deeper into my mood.

“Do I have to” I complain as Harry comes back in after singing The Scientist.

“Yes” he says firmly. “We’re doing these things because of your freak out in New York. If you don’t perform, it will look bad.” I sigh, knowing he’s right.

“How many more till I go?”

“You’re closing the show so at least half a dozen,” he responds, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. “Do you know what you’re singing yet?” he asks. I shake my head, shrugging slightly causing him to chuckle as he drinks.

“Might want to decide” he jokes and I shrug slightly. I didn’t feel like singing. They expected me to sing an upbeat song or one about love, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t happy and singing about love would only hurt. Louis joins us after singing Mr. Brightside and soon there’s just me left. I’m waiting in the wing as the girl before me finishes up her song. She’d sung a Ladies First song and I almost broke down right there. She runs off the other side delighted, her face beaming as I step on stage. When the crowd sees it’s me, they start going crazy, but the only person I’m thinking of is Emily. I knew what I was about to do was stupid, but I didn’t care.