Ladies First (Zayn Malik) Book 4

Chapter 45

“Zayn. Mate. C’mon. It’s been over four months. You need to get over her,” Harry says, glancing over at me as he fixes the collar of his shirt in the mirror. “C’mon, get up. Get dressed. We’re going out clubbing. We’re on tour for god’s sake. And you’re always my clubbing buddy. You’re the only fun one there,” he adds coming over and sitting down next to me.

“Or at least you were” I swear I heard him mutter under his breath, but all too quickly his frown is replaced by a smile as he looks at me expectantly.

“Have you seen this?” I ask hoarsely, holding up the magazine in my hand. He looks at me hesitantly before taking the magazine with Emily splashed across the front. His eyes scan the cover and his expression goes blank.

“Is this real?” he asks, turning the cover to me where I once again read the front-page story.

Emily’s rushed path to the alter.

A quick engagement with a wedding rumored to be not far off. An exclusive interview with Emily all about her beau.

I nod my head, feeling the wrenching in my chest as my heart tears again. Every time I thought I was finally getting better, something reminded me of her, or I’d see her on a magazine and it all would fall apart again.

“Go ahead” I say nodding to the magazine as he begins to flip to the page. “Read all about how much better than me he is.” I add bitterly. “How he’s older and more mature,” I say sarcastically “And how she’s finally found her Knight in shining armor” I add with a fake girl voice, quoting the article in all it’s cheesiness. “Get it? It’s funny because his last name is Knight” I add sarcastically. I might have read it half a dozen times already… The stabbing feeling in my chest each time the word fiancée or wedding showed up was addicting. I was becoming a masochist. His eyes scan the article with a frown.

“This is ridiculous,” he says, dropping the magazine on the table. “You’re so much better than that prick. If she can’t see it, that’s her loss. And now we’re definitely going out” he says pulling me up and shoving me towards my room to get changed. “Even if it’s only to get you pissed enough to forget her.

And that's exactly what we did. Only I couldn't forget about her. No matter how much I wanted to. Every girl in the clubs would remind me of Emily somehow. One girl would have her hair, another would wear something she'd wear, and another said something that made me think of her. None of them were good enough and as my eyes roamed the rooms, I always expected to see her standing in a corner, flashing me that beautiful smile before returning to her conversation. Management was forced to step in when the American leg came up though. We couldn’t be seen coming back to the hotel obviously drunk. Stupid American laws saying we had to be 21. Luckily Louis was though and sometimes I could convince him to buy drinks. I knew he didn't like to, but I didn't care. He was worried I was becoming an alcoholic, but he didn't understand. He didn't know how much it hurt to see the girl you loved, the girl you still love, move on so fast. She was engaged for god's sakes. We'd only broken up 5 months ago. My emotions ranged from numb to hurt. I couldn't even remember what it was like to have a real smile. The boys were worried, and that only made me feel worse. They'd begun treating me like a kid they had to protect from the dangers of the world and I knew I was bringing them down. 

"C'mon mate, lets get you back to the room." Liam says, putting an arm around me and pulling me off the stool. 

"I'm not that bad" I say, my words slurring ever so slightly. And it's true. This was nothing compared  to how it had been back in Europe.