I Was Made For You

1

Emma's Pov

"he doesn't have time to listen to all of my problems"

I walked into my new student apartment. Alone. I dropped my bags onto the floor and walked over to the window, looking out at the Notre Dame campus that I would be living at for the next four years. Yes, I got a student apartment instead of a normal dorm.

Justin's at Duke, playing basketball, and he's amazing at it and he's writing still and planning on majoring in it. I'm in Indiana, and he's in North Carolina. Long distance just wouldn't work for us. He's going to be traveling from state to state for away games, and I'm here, focusing on my art/fashion degree.

I haven't seen Justin since graduation. We broke up, well I guess he broke up with me when he announced that he was signing with Duke on the day of graduation. He chose to take the Duke scholarship and declined the Notre Dame one, leaving me behind, even when he knew I didn't get accepted to Duke. Am I over him? Hell to the fucking no. I'll always love Justin. He's my other half. When he left, for school at the beginning of summer since he had to start pre-season with the team, I broke down.

I went to go surprise him the first week he had been there. I was so happy and excited to see him, hoping maybe we could talk and make a long distance relationship work. When I got there, walking into the stadium where his practice was, I saw him walking out of the locker room hallway, with a blonde girls hand intertwined with his, and he was smiling down at her. He didn't look at her the way he looked at me though, I could tell. When I saw that, my heart shattered into millions of pieces, my body went numb and I felt like curling up in a ball and crying, which I did when I went back to my car and drove all the way back home. All 12 hours.

I never thought I would be in this state of mind again, sitting in my room, feeling sorry for myself and doing things to take the pain away that I wish I never did. Justin had been away from me for a week, and it was two weeks since we broke up when he had already found a replacement for me. Now I haven't seen him or spoken to him in four or five months. Ever since that day, I'm not the same Emma anymore. Amber and Andrew still try to get me to come out of my room to go places with them. The only time I get out is to go to class and therapy, which Amber made me do when she saw that I was cutting again. I know, cutting over a break up, sounds stupid right? Wrong. I lost the boy I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, the boy I wanted to grow old with, the one who told me I mattered more than anything to him, I lost my everything.

I walked back over to my bags that I had dropped at the front door. This apartment is mine, I'm the only one living here, Andrew and Amber share an apartment as well, which is only two doors down from mine. Amber is constantly worried about me so she wanted to be close to me. I personally think my parents told her to watch me like a hawk. My parents were very hesitant to let me go off to college by myself, especially with what is going on with me, mentally. I'm not mentally stable. I'm depressed. I have no motivation for anything. My parents tried everything to help me, new medication, higher dosages, different therapists, but nothing works. I see a therapist here on campus every week. She's nice, I actually feel comfortable talking to her.

Justin doesn't know anything that has been going on with me. He think's I'm happy and pursuing my dream as an artist and designer here at Notre Dame. He doesn't know about therapy, or my wrists, or what I've been doing by sitting in my room day to day for the whole summer. He still talks to Andrew, and he asks him how I am from time to time. I've told Amber and Andrew that when Justin asks about me, they are to tell him I'm fine and that my life is moving along smoothly. They didn't like that I was having them lie to him about something so serious. Justin has tried talking to me a few times since he left for school, but after the day I saw him with that girl, I shut him out. He texts me, but I don't even read the messages, I delete them instantly. He calls but I just watch it, crying, ring until, 'one missed call' flashes across the screen. I don't listen to his voicemails or anything. He's happy, at school, playing basketball, having a girl that makes him happy and is smart enough to go to the same school as him. It's just like Mandy said that one day in the cafeteria, Justin would get into Duke, leave me behind, and find another girl who's smarter and better for him.