My Delirium [Edward x Bella]

Chapter Three

The end of the school day came quickly, much to my pleasure. I told Angela before lunch that I wasn't feeling well, and sat in the bathroom to eat my sandwich. I was thankful no one came to bother me. However, I couldn't be sick everyday. I'd have to face my fears soon. A cafeteria with Edward, Alice, and Zachary.

I was able to leave the parking lot with ease, my shoulders up to my ears in stress. Once on the highway and sure no one was following me, I was able to be at ease.

Sort of.

"Fuckers." I said loudly to myself. I was so annoyed, so angry! How dare they just come back and decide to live a normal life?

It just further proved how awful they were, and how much they didn't care about me.

Charlie's police vehicle was outside our home when I arrived. I hoped he hadn't heard they were back, but in a town this small he probably knew before I did.

"Hey Bells." His voice was wary, and I knew interrogation was to come.

"Hi Dad." I responded, looking in the fridge for something to eat. Or pretending to, rather. My appetite was completely gone.

"How was school?" Charlie cleared his throat.

"Fine. Yes, I did see the Cullens. Edward and Alice are finishing their senior year. I don't know why they decided to come back, nor do I care." Word vomit came out of me in one fell swoop. He stared at me, mouth pursed. "How was work?"

"Good. Nothing too exciting, on call but I got to go home early." He focused back on his cup of coffee.

"Do you have any idea what you'd want for dinner?" I changed the subject.

"I'll just order a pizza. You're probably swamped with homework." With that, he got up and kissed me lightly on the head. It took all my energy to not recoil from his touch. I went upstairs, throwing my bag on the floor and sitting beside my window.

I just wanted all of this to end.

-----

Tick

Tick

Tick

My neck ached from falling asleep awkwardly perched on the large windowsill.

Tick

I noticed the sound came as a small rock hit my window. The sun had just set, a deep blue glow illuminating the outside.

In the bushes, I saw Edward.

I stared at him, torn. A part of me wanted to lower the blinds, ignore him until he left or I died. Another part of me wanted to punch the living shit out of him and tell him off, although I knew he wouldn't feel anything.

He stepped briefly out of the bushes, and beckoned me down like his little puppet. However, I decided tonight I would let my rage win.

I slipped on a thick hoodie, going downstairs. On the kitchen table, a pizza with two missing slices.

"Hey Dad, I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Okay." He mumbled, glued to the television. My stomach grumbling, I nearly swallowed a slice whole before heading outside.

Edward met me at the door.

"Hi." He said plainly. I narrowed my eyes at him. Four months, and all he has to say is hi?

"What do you want?" I started walking towards the woods, not wanting to chance neighbors hearing my guaranteed angry yelling.

He didn't respond, following me deep into the forest. We kept walking, my thought filling me with anxiety as a remembrance of the last time I was in the forest with him.

When he left me.

"Bella." He whispered, a longing in his voice.

"No! Fuck you, you don't get to put my down and then pick me back up whenever it fits you best." I yelled back. I could feel tears running down my face, unmasking my anger as sadness.

"It was for you, it was all for you! I was so scared of something happening to you but Bella-"

"Well guess what, here or gone you still weren't able to protect me." The words slipped out of my mouth, Zarachy in mind with months of suppressed rage. He looked up at me, pain in his eyes. "What do you want? Why did you come back?"

"Please talk to me. What happened while I was gone? Bella, I saw you running this morning..." He reached for my hand, but I pulled away.

"Next time you see me running, tell Alice to keep her mouth shut and let me-"

"What, let you jump? Was that your plan? No, I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. Even if you decide you will never love me again, I will always love you. It's not something I can change." He kept his voice low not wanting to match my screaming. My whole body shook as my legs were too weak. I fell to my knees, a pain shooting through my leg from months of injury.

I screamed into the ground, soft dirt cushioning my head.

I felt his hand on my back, and recoiled.

"No, stop. Please don't touch me. Don't..." I sobbed harder, realizing how much of a freak I was. I couldn't be touched. I wanted to be ugly, repulsive, and for no one to touch me.

Yes, my plan was to jump.

"I'm sorry." Edward said, his hands curling up on his chest. I leaned against a tree for support getting up, feeling the cool rain wash across my face. I smiled sickly, shaking my head.

"I'm fucked up. Trust me, you don't want me anymore." I started to trek home, knowing these forests all too well.

"I do. I always will." He said, following me. "Let me take you home, I don't want you to fall."

"A lot has changed since you left. I'm no longer some pathetic little girl you have to protect. Don't-" I said harshly, "follow me."

"I came back because of Alice's visions." I stopped in my tracks. "I thought leaving would keep you safe. One day, there was confusion, uncertainty. Would you jump? I kept seeing that vision flash back and forth in my head. I couldn't live-"

"What, the guilt would eat you alive? You should have thought about that before you left me." My voice was barely thin air, but I knew he could hear.

"I couldn't live without you. Like I said, hate me forever. But I'll do all I can to keep you safe." I wanted to turn to him. Somewhere, deep inside, I truly wanted him to hold me. A sick spark I wanted to drain out. I needed him to comfort me, and have him apologize and tell me he loved me everyday, every moment. I wanted to tell him everything, I wanted him to rip Zachary apart limb by limb and feed him to dogs.

"Like I said, don't follow me."