My Delirium [Edward x Bella]

Chapter Four

"Bella! Bella, wake up!" Charlie sounded anxious as he shook me awake. His fingers felt deep in my arm. I jerked my arm away, curling away from him.

Another bad dream.

"Sorry." I said. I threw the covers off my body, covered in sweat.

"It's okay. Can I get you anything?" He offered. I shook my head.

"I'll just try and go back to sleep." With that, Charlie left the room. I looked at my phone to check the time, the sky outside a pale blue.

My heart stopped.

Zachary had sent me a text around midnight. I could barely unlock my phone, hands shaking.

You looked great today. X, Zach

I threw my phone across the room. I hoped it would break. I jumped out of bed, sunrise only about twenty minutes away giving me enough time to go for a long run. I threw on my running clothes, adding extra layers for the incoming cold weather. Grabbing my iPod, I closed the door very lightly behind me. Down the hall, Charlie had already begun snoring. I tread carefully not to wake him up.

The outside air was refreshing. The coolness reached my bones, almost cleansing. The music started playing loudly in my ears, and I began running. Because it was still slightly dark, I ran beside the road and decided to catch the trail about three miles up to end up at the cliff edge.

My stomach turned.

I knew how much it had upset Charlie when I threw a fit last year, but perhaps I could do the same. Move to Florida with my mom and Phil. Edward flashing in my mind. Fuck my brain.

I hated that I was still in love with him.

Would he try to stop me if I decided to jump? Would Alice? Would any of them?

I knew I couldn't jump. I didn't want to die that much. I just wanted to wake up one day and all of this be a dream. Wake up in Edward's arms, his sweet smell tickling my nose. Never feeling my heart being torn out my chest when he left, or feeling like my heart would literally stop when Zachary once punched me too hard right in center of my torso.

I turned toward the trail, light dimly seeping through the trees.I had a strange sense of someone looking at me. I didn't know if I was right or wrong.

Could I even stomach Edward touching me? Anyone touching me ever again? I flinched constantly, stomach revolted even when my own father touched me. Charlie! It made me sick to be this mentally sick.

Edward also had no right to waltz in and expect I would fall into his arms. That fucker broke my heart! And I was done being submissive to any man, if by any miracle I would ever date again.

Zachary's text flashed in my mind.

I could see the clearing to the cliff now, my heart pounding fast. I picked up the pace. It was exciting, invigorating. Only once did I think I ran too far, and I would have died. The adrenaline rush was wild.

"No!" Someone yelled, Suddenly, Alice, Edward, and Esme appeared in front of me, blocking my view from the cliff. I halted, only steps away from making impact with Esme's body, which I was sure would hurt more than accidentally falling over.

I ripped out my earbuds. "Bella, what are you doing?!" Alice asked wildly. Edward had a hard, strained face. He looked like he was in pain.

"Bella, I... I know what you're going through." Esme tried to sympathize, her hand reaching out to touch me, but I recoiled. I took a couple of circling steps back, closing my eyes and running my fingers through damp hair.

I just wanted to scream, so I did. Bent over, I screamed loudly at them, the sky, everything. My throat felt like it could burst. It was an ugly scream, the kind people probably make before they're going to be killed. For as long as I could, I screamed at them, eyes closed. I wasn't screaming solely at them. I could see Zachary's face, his stupid half smile he probably had sending me that text.

Then I stopped. I took a deep breath, leaning on my knees and opening my eyes. The sun now cast three shadows in front of me, but I didn't want to look at them. I put my earbuds back in, turned and ran back home.

----

"Wow... That's a look." Jessica said when I got out of my car. After I had taken a shower, I decided I wanted to cut my hair even shorter. It lay flat, near my jaw. It was choppy, ugly, and it was destined to be.

Zachary hated girls with short hair.

"I wanted to try something new." I said, my voice hoarse. My long, dark grey top lay just above my mid thigh, hiding my figure. A bulky denim jacket felt heavy on my shoulders. "Let's go inside, I'm freezing."

"I think it looks nice." Bless Angela.

I unfortunately had a locker three numbers away from Lauren, so when I saw her with Zachary leaning over her like she was something to eat, I wanted to vomit on the floor.

"Alright Bella, we have to chat about that group presentation we have in Art so don't skip out on lunch today." Jessica waved goodbye.

"God, she's so annoying." Lauren said beside Bella. Zachary whispered something in her ear and she giggled. They kissed, and as much as I hated Lauren I wish I could grab her hand run with her, away from him.

The first bell rang, and no sight of any Cullen yet. Did they think I was crazy? If they did, they weren't wrong.

"Hey." Lauren suddenly appeared next to me. I pretended to fuss around inside my locker.

"Hi." I responded.

"So, this is kind of awkward for me to talk about..." She put her hands on her hips, chest extended forward. "But you need to stop trying to hit on Zachary."

I spit out a laugh. "What?"

"You heard me. Back off." I closed my locker. I didn't have to deal with this shit.

"Shut up, Lauren. Nobody wants your piece of shit boyfriend, especially me." I turned to walk away.

"Excuse me!" Her hand grabbed my shoulder hard, grabbing my hair along the way. It wasn't as hard as Zachary ever did but hard enough. I threw her hand away, turning before I punched her in the face.

She fell backward, my body leaning over her. I grabbed her elbows, shaking her.

"Don't you ever lay a fucking hand on me again you stupid-"

"Bella!" Someone shrieked. Lauren yelled, fighting back, so I fought back harder. I could feel a circle of students around us.

Lauren tried to pull at her my hair again as I went in to punch her before two stone cold hands grabbed my arms and pulled me up.

"Let me go!" I yelled wildly. Half the crowd was staring at me, the other huddled around Lauren trying to pick her up.

"Relax." His sweet voice was music to my ears. But I didn't want to hear the music, not them.

"Let me go." I said firmly. Down the hall, Edward let me go. Alice stood beside him in shock. The adrenaline was wearing off.

What the fuck have I done?

I yelled, kicking a locker, which was a bad idea as the metal hit my foot hard. I sat on the floor, eyes closed.

"It'll be okay. If they call me in, I'll say she attacked you first." He said. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"She did."

"I know." Edward said. "It's hard not to study you, Bella. I saw the whole thing, okay?" His eyes were a light topaz, comforting for her.

"Isabella Swan!" The principal walked with Lauren on one side. I quickly got up holding my breath. It was the best way to stop any crying. Edward gave me a reassuring look. I reached my hand up to touch his, but it quickly fell back down.

I couldn't do it.