My Delirium [Edward x Bella]

Chapter Six

We sat silently in my room, my fingers brushing over the scar on my thigh from the one of the first few times Zachary was violent towards me. Edward was close enough as we sat on my bed, but still no part of us touched.

The low hum of the dryer in the pantry beneath my room served as background noise in this silent morning. Charlie had an early start to his day, and we were alone in the house.

"You can talk to me. I know it'll take years, possibly our whole lifetime to make things right, but I will spend every day for the rest of our lives making amends."

It was hard to explain. My father was the chief of police, why couldn't I say anything? I knew it was mostly fear, the repercussions. I don't know what Zachary was capable of. He was also so charming. If Lauren was dating him now and he wasn't being as terrible to her as he was to me, how would anyone believe me?

I was also embarrassed. I felt dirty, and used. How could I have let any of this happen?

"I need a drink." I said out loud, mostly to myself. I got up and went to the kitchen, sorting through Charlie's liquor shelf until I found my drink of choice. It was easy to hide a bottle of whiskey in the back, Charlie never really drank anything but beer. Zachary of course had friends at a liquor store at a nearby town and I had taken an affinity for any alcohol I could get my hands on right after Edward left and I was dating Zachary. It helped numb the pain, but I knew I was going down a dark path, and took up running to try and stop.

But one drink couldn't hurt, right?

"Bella..." Edward's hand lightly touched my arm, and I stepped away. I poured myself a hefty shot, and downed it one go. My body shivered, my tolerance having gone down but I welcomed the comforting warmth immediately. It hit my chest, burning down to my empty stomach. I poured another, and took a sip.

"Why did you leave me? Did you truly think you were doing the right thing?" I looked up at him, his face dropping.

"Yes, I did. I was scared, and I felt like the biggest danger to you. But I was wrong. I can't be away from you, I have this unshaking urge to be near you, love you, protect you. And I'm so sorry I wasn't here to do that."

I had to let it go. I couldn't blame Edward for my doings. Yes, he left me, but I was the one who chose to be with Zachary, and let him hurt me. I took another large gulp of my whiskey, and held my breath. I couldn't cry, because if I started, I didn't know if I could stop.

"Okay." I let go, slowly. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I should have never let this happen. I'm washed up for you, why do you still want me?"

Edward tensed up, his hand breaking a part of the kitchen counter. He dropped his head, clenching his hands by his side.

"I'm sorry, I'll pay for that."

"You haven't answered my question." We stood in silence again, Edward trying to compose himself.

"It's very hard for me, right now Bella. I want nothing more on Earth right now than to go to Zachary and rip his flesh off his body while he's still alive. What he tried to do to you this morning, what else I can't even imagine has happened...But none of it is your fault. I will always love you, and none of this is your fault, you have to understand that."

My body was shaking, and I took another drink, emptying my glass. I turned to pour myself more whiskey, and Edward stopped me. His arms embraced me, and at first I froze until his smell reminded me this wasn't Zachary, and I was safe. I turned and let him fully cover my body with his. I didn't realize how frail I was until this moment.

"I feel so terrible Edward, I have to apologize to Esme and Alice and everyone. I've been so horrible." I sobbed into his shirt. I was disgusting, my tears staining his shirt.