My Delirium [Edward x Bella]

Chapter One

My feet hit the pavement hard, my body tired. Picking up running was difficult for my clumsy self, daily training became part of my ritual. No matter how hard on my body, everyday I had to run.

To train.

To forget.

I picked up the pace, jumping over obstacles in my way.

If only Edward could see me now.

I could see the cliff nearby now. I pushed myself somehow harder, running toward the cliff. I could make it, I knew I could.

Closer, the edge menacing. Would I see him today, or would I jump?

"Stop." His voice popped into my head almost too late, my fast pace staggering me forward, falling to a halt on my knees to avoid falling. I scraped them, something I was getting more used to.

The water below crashed upon the rocks. Water falling above me starts to pool beneath me, creating a pool of blood from my knees. I screamed, one of many. No one ever heard. Or, no one really cared.

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"Bella." Charlie knocked lightly on the door. I sat by the window, my knees bandaged up for the third time this month. He glanced over at them. "You need to cool it with the extreme sports."

"I'm clumsy, even when I try to be active." I shrugged. He sighed, leaning at the door. I closed my book, bracing myself for another lecture.

"Honey, I'm glad you're pursing other activities since Edward left, but don't you think you're going too far?"

"I'm eighteen, I'm just a late bloomer in the whole rebellion stage. Give me a break. Would you rather me have cut my hair short and take up running or starting doing drugs?"

"Okay, I'm sorry." He put his hands up defensively. "I just wanted to check in."

"Thanks." I said, standing up to take a shower. It marked the end of our conversation. My shower was quick, and cold. I couldn't do anything for too long, aside from running. When I was running I could focus on the pain on my body, my quickened breath. Other mundane activities, like showering, allowed for too many thoughts to enter my brain.

I shut off the water, my body shivering. I didn't linger long in the bathroom, shooting quickly into my room.

I allowed myself a quick glance in the mirror. It had been about four months since Edward left. Four months since...

My body had changed significantly in those four months. My body no longer held much softness, legs hard from running, arms thin but muscular. I hid my torso, my only insecurity from the world with baggy shirts, letting my angular jaw and short hair speak for my new found fitness. Hard, a tough exterior.

My haircut really didn't suit me. I knew that.

And that's why I liked it best.

My body was exhausted, each day as I pushed it further. I fell into bed easily, slipping in my headphones and playing a podcast as background noise. It helped me fall asleep, I couldn't be in silence. Silence brought too much darkness during sleep.

"Bella! Bella, wake up!" Charlie shook my violently as I almost fell off the bed waking up in a fury. I was drenched in sweat, crying and my throat in pain from screaming, no doubt. I tried to calm myself down, my hands shaking wildly as I ran them through my drenched hair.

"Thank you for waking me. I'll be fine." I just wanted Charlie out. He frowned.

"Honey, if you need to talk-"

"Bad dream, sorry. I'm fine." Charlie lingered for a moments longer than I wanted him too, bothering me with his presence. But I knew I couldn't say anything. Everything was fine, I was fine, but a bad dream.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

As Charlie stepped out of my room, I fell into a puddle of tears. I hid my sobbing in my pillow, my mind swimming with thoughts I didn't want.

Thoughts of Zachary. On top of me, entering me, violating me.

All I wanted was to scream, but for some reason, I couldn't.