the tales of a lifetime book 3

chapter 3

     The stoopids all sat around the dining room table. They needed answers. How in the world did Dylan lay an egg? He and Grace were underage, and therefore, it was illegal for any conception to occur.

     "How in the world did you lay an egg?! Were you cheating on me?! Typical MAN!" Grace angrily shouted at the exhausted Dylan.

     "No! No I didn't!" Dylan responded.

      "Don't lie! You're always lying. I can see RIGHT THROUGH your lies!" Grace screamed.

     The couple continued screaming at each other until Henry broke the silence.

     "He's telling the truth!" Henry yelled.

     The room fell silent and all eyes shifted towards Henry.

     "I know what happened.." Henry said in a guilty tone. Then, he began to explain how this all happened.

     Three years ago, Horny tested positive for a pregnancy test. Henry and Horny were so excited to have their own child. Yet, due to medical complications on Henry's end, they lost the child. The couple was so devastated to the point where they didn't want to try again for a couple years. Then, nine months ago, Henry and Horny decided that they would implant an embryo into Horny, allowing them to have their child. However, when Henry went to the embryo store, he thought all the specimens looked the same, so he just picked out a random one. He didn't read the fine print on the tube which read, Duck. Henry realized this when he got home, and he began to panic. Embryos were expensive, and he knew Horny would call him something along the lines of an "Illiterate stupid bitch ass thot" if she found out he bought the wrong embryo. So Henry acted upon instinct and did what he had to do... he dumped the embryo into Dylan's bowl of ramen when he wasn't looking and told Horny that the store ran out of embryos.

     When Dylan swallowed the embryo while drinking the ramen broth, the embryo must've gone down the wrong tube and implanted on Dylan's duck male uterus, where it developed into an egg because that is how science works.

     Henry looked so ashamed of himself as he concluded his story. The rest of the stoopids just sat there silently in shock. Horny's face started turning a bright, tomato red.

     "You GOOD FOR NOTHING LOUSY ASS BITCH!" Horny screamed, pulling her hair in anger.

     "Hey now! It was a mistake, and he's clearly ashamed of himself," Brian told her.

     "Baby, I'm sorry!" Henry cried.

     "You were supposed to give MY SEXY ASS a baby! But instead, you give it to an 11 year old bitch?! Fuck outta here!" Horny raged as she stormed out of the room. Henry followed her, crying, begging for forgiveness.

     "I can't be a mom..." Grace muttered softly to herself.

     "What was that?" Dustin asked.

     "I can't be a mom..." Grace repeated a little bit louder. She was already fed up with her marriage. She already felt like the most youthful and fun times of her life had slipped away too quickly. She didn't get the teenage dream she wanted.

     "We have to get a divorce," Grace softly told Dylan, "I can't be a mom.. I just can't.."

     Dylan, who was a little bit older and a little bit wiser and a little bit more well-spoken told her, "It's okay Grace, do what makes you happy. You only have one life!"

     Grace's eyes welled up with tears, "Thanks, I'll always love you though."

     "You smell like a CHICKEN anyways!" Dylan yelled before he started laughing hysterically at his own joke.

     "Ugh!" Grace grunted as she stormed out of the room.