the feeling of worthlessness; hoseok centric

14

not edited + short chapter

he slept on the words hoseok had thrown at him.

it was all true in the worst way. the way it made jeongguk's stomach twist up in discomfort and made him feel disgusting, it made him feel like throwing up.

everything had finally been revealed. the truth had shown its ugly self to him. he was naive to believe that his hyung's were never in the wrong and that what they were doing was normal.

it hurt so much to think about the past when hoseok was with them, because now, he realised how much of the betas words were true.

how they had start seeing less and less of the beta.
how every february 18th they were never there.
how hoseok bent backwards for everyone and yet, everyone turned a blind eye when the beta reached out for help.

'baby? what's wrong?' seokjin had entered the room with a mug of coffee. jeongguk had sniffled before reaching out for the alpha, he felt conflicted.

'what's going on hun? you came back frowning, want to talk?'

'where did we go wrong hyung?'

the alpha pulled his hand back from where it was gliding through jeongguk's hair. 'what..?' seokjin was baffled. he knew what jeongguk was talking about.

'what did we do wrong hyung?'

the omega breathed a shaky sigh; almost as if he was holding back tears. 'hyung what did we do? why doesn't hoseokie hyung love us anymore?'

seokjin too felt like crying. he didn't know what to say. he didn't know how to comfort the omega. he didn't know what to do anymore.

so he stayed silent. eyes staring at the painting on jeongguk's wall as if he hadn't seen it before.

'hoseok-ah is...' seokjin started softly, 'hoseoks heart is like a marshmallow.'

wow. good start.

'...i-i don't understand hyung.'

there was a pause, and then, the alpha breathed in a deep breath filling the entirety of his lungs. 'hoseok's heart is a marshmallow because his love is soft and sweet.'

the alpha looked over to the wide eyed omega and continued. 'but over time, the outside of the marshmallow became stale. encasing all the sweetness in a hard shell. do you understand what i mean?'

it was a stretch. sure it was. but it was the only way seokjin could describe why hoseok had become so...different.

'we made his poor heart become stale didn't we hyung?'

seokjin nodded.

'we're bad people aren't we hyung?'

again, seokjin nodded. though more hesitant this time. afraid of the truth he and his pack had set themselves up for.

'...but why can't he understand that we're sorry hyung? i want him back. i miss hyung so much.'

'he can't understand because he does understand. he knows things before we do. hoseok is special, and we...we're the reason he doesn't want to understand us anymore.'

jeongguk gulped. 'you're saying...you're saying he's giving up on us? after 7 years?!'

having to push the omega back down, seokjin felt a lump in his throat. 'hoseok's giving up because of 7 years. i...he's been giving up for a long time jeongguk...'

there was absolute silence.

'you knew this whole time...didn't you?'

seokjin looked away. ashamed of himself. 'i did. we all did. we... we're horrible people.'

jeongguk sobbed into his hand, wiping his nose with the back of it. no. it wasn't true.

he-he wasn't a bad person.

he couldn't be.

he didn't know that his actions had consequences, no one ever told him...

jeongguk couldn't even find an excuse to shield him from the truth. nothing could fix the years they had destroyed with hoseok now. they couldn't go back in time. they could only hope the future was on their side.

'don't cry. we'll get him back. just maybe...'

'maybe not in this universe.'