the feeling of worthlessness; hoseok centric

8

the fridge was empty. and so was the house.

hoseok roamed aimlessly, as if he hadn't lived here for the past few years. the walls decorated with his pack photos, and his room littered with empty pill bottles.

his pack couldn't know.

he bit his lip as he shoved them into a trash bag.

no one can know.

he pulled open his closet and threw them in, piling clothes on top as he slammed it shut.

no one can know. he repeated, shuffling into the living room and lazily 'scenting' a pillow. the television was on but it had no significance other than to fill the silence of the house. it's only purpose was to serve as background noise, and maybe to drown out the unhealthy thoughts swimming around hoseok's head.

'hyung!' he hears namjoon call out to him from the house. his eyes snap away from the pillow as he sluggishly steps towards the door. 'hey hyung.' hoseok brought the bags into his chest as he stumbled towards the kitchen. 'we bought takeaways tonight.' hoseok nodded, pulling plates out and laying them on the table.

'hyung are you ignoring me?' namjoon asked quietly, trying not to cause a scene as the other pack members walked in. 'of course not, i'm just...a little tired.' hoseok answered. i mean, it wasn't a lie. but was it the entire truth?

hoseok swallowed down the voice nagging him, giving namjoon a half hearted smile before brushing pass taehyung who gave him a funny look. yeah, he sniffed rubbing his heart eyes as he looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. just a little tired.

dinner was quiet. at least it was for hoseok. he stared at his food eating slowly. his pack members engaged in conversations he couldn't hear, almost as if they had been muted. 'hoseok. are you going to eat that?' he heard yoongi call from a seat down from him.

he noticed how the alpha's plate was empty, how his own was only an eighth ways done. 'um, you can have it hyung.' hoseok mumbled, pushing his plate towards the alpha. 'wait hyung are you sure? you didn't eat anyth-' jeongguk was cut off by a sharp cough from taehyung. 'he already said yes jeongguk, so let hyung eat it. yoongi's been working hard the past week, he deserves it.'

hoseok felt a sharp jab in his heart as jeongguk seemed eased at the younger alphas words. after thinking they had started going forward, hoseok decided that they had been in place. running on the spot.

he stood up and left without another word nonetheless, no one paying any mind to him
as they continued their conversations. like they hadn't just heard taehyung basically tell hoseok to starve for his pack.

hoseok chuckled bitterly, throwing a towel over the mirror in his room as he swallowed three pills. how pathetic. he thought. he shoved clothes into his bag and left through the front door, ignoring the shouts of namjoon as he ran out, he didn't know where he would go. he just needed to leave

it's fucking pathetic.

he entered the pack house a few days later. hair a mess and eyes looking as if he hadn't closed them in years. he heard namjoon sob as he was pulled into the tall omega's chest. 'oh my god- hyung...' he gasped, gripping every part of hoseok's trembling frame with desperation.

jeongguk followed in suit, dropping his controller as he ran towards hoseok with a cry. hoseok, now engulfed by two taller omegas, remained unfazed. his eyes looking at them but almost as if he couldn't see them.

he pulled himself out of the hug and stalked towards his room, the two omegas quick to follow. hoseok flopped onto his bed, breathing in a scent which wasn't entirely his. when jimin ran into the room he realised the three pack mates had been sleeping in his room ever since that night.

he threw the pack scented pillow off to the side, closing his eyes slowing. he groaned as his bed dipped and bodies surrounded him suddenly.

'hyung, hyung talk to us.' they pleaded, though hoseok wasn't bothered at all. he was just tired.

so tired of feeling belittled.

he opened his eyes to see the pack in his room, the three other alphas staring at him blankly. the other three cooped up next to him with their half assed apologies.

that's all it ever was.

hoseok sat upright, pushing jimin off him.

'hoseok hyung please talk to u-'

'i hate all of you.'

he said it. there was no regret lingering in him as the words left his mouth. he heard multiple gasps rip out each pack mate but he couldn't careless. he felt so numb.

yoongi growled, moving forward and gripping the collar of hoseok's shirt. 'what did you say beta?!'

hoseok's eyes met yoongi's, the alpha taking it as a challenge. 'i said,' hoseok growled back, 'i fucking hate you.'

yoongi blinked, furious as he threw the beta onto the floor. disgust all over his face as he tried to grab him. 'what are you gonna do huh?!' hoseok shouted, eyes crazed. 'are you gonna give me more reasons to hate you?!' hoseok too tried to fight the alpha but both males were being held back.

'stand down!' seokjin shouted, everyone bowing their heads at the head alpha though hoseok remained with his head held up high, almost cockily. 'i said stand down.' seokjin snarled, chest to chest with the beta.

'you're not my alpha.' hoseok bit out, causing seokjin to pull away. his face hurt, his eyes wide.

'i hate all of you.'