the feeling of worthlessness; hoseok centric

5

he had been here before. so many times before this. but they were all spent alone.

is this what being part of a pack truly felt like?

he held hands with yugyeom and bambam as the walked down the endless hallway filled with water and marine life; youngjae latched onto mark and jaebum as he tried not to scream when he saw a shark swim over them.

hoseok laughed, face close to the glass as he stared in wonder at every fish that swam by. 'hyung look!' yugyeom giggled gesturing towards hoseok before pointing at a clown fish.

'oh my gosh it's nemo!' hoseok giggled, taking a photo.

'come on you two, let's go eat at that cafe they have here.' mark had called, the two having a race towards their pack. huh.

their pack.

the food was amazing. hoseok couldn't help but drool as the food had finally been placed on their table.

'i think i'm in heaven.' he groaned, taking another bite of the sweet pastry he had ordered, fake crying when jackson had stolen a bite out of it. 'oh my god he's not wrong.'

'what really? gimme some.'

'wait i want to try!'

'lemme get a bite of that.'

hoseok pouted as he watched them eat the pastry one by one before getting back up and ordering another two.

'can't believe you ate it all, i only took one bite!' hoseok rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. 'oopsie.'

'i'm gonna buy this.' hoseok exclaimed, holding the enormous stuffed flower in his hands before running- attempting to run- to the counter. 'that's the last one though!' bambam had shrieked, trying to run after hoseok only to trip on his own feet, youngjae burtsing out in laughter.

'this all for today sir?'

'yep! i'm paying with my card.'

he swiped his card before punching in the pin code. 'is that your pack?' the male at the counter asked.

'ah no, they're...they're...'

what were they to hoseok?

friends? family?

'they're my friends.'

they're my pack away from my actual one.

the male behind the counter smiled before handing hoseok the stuffed flower. 'have a good night!'

when hoseok had opened the door at half past 11 he didn't expect for yoongi to be waiting at the door for him. 'oh, hello hyung.'

the slight smaller male had had grabbed hoseok by the collar and sniffed his neck, nose twitching. 'you smell awful. take a shower and wash their scent off now.'

biting his lip to hold in a protest, hoseok walked to his room and placed everything he and the im pack had bought down before shuffling to the bathroom, the alpha watching his every move with beady eyes like hoseok was prey.

'you smell better now.' yoongi hummed, hoseok drying his hair off with a towel. hoseok nodded and opened the fridge, 'you still came pretty late hoseok. you worried namjoon-ah.'

oh. hoseok bit the inside of his cheeks as his back was turned to the alpha. yoongi never worried about him. no one does really. except for namjoon.

'oh, i'm sorry. i should go apologise to him.' mumbling the younger pulled out a carton of apple juice before leaving the kitchen.

when he awoke he hadn't expected namjoon to be at the foot of his bed awkwardly. 'namjoon-ah?'

the omega looked up, scratching the back of his neck. 'hyung told me you where home. i-i just wanted to...i don't know...see if you were here or not myself.' nodding, hoseok rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

'hyung...who's clothes are those?'

snapping his head up hoseok looked at his bed confused before his eyes widened. shit. he had forgotten he had made a nest out of all the things which made him feel safe. he had used the hoodies and shirts of youngjae and jackson.

used the stuffed animals they had bought him.

used everything but the things his pack had.

'they're...'

he couldn't even form a proper sentence before namjoon was walking out of his room. he knew the younger was disgusted, he could tell by the way namjoon's lavender scent had become sour and the way his face contorted into a frown and clenched jaw.

as he sat on the kitchen table alone he ignored the burning eyes glaring at him. he felt a lot more weighed down than he normally did. having to juggle pleasing his pack and somehow finding happiness in another seemed to have its toll on him.

he felt as if he was getting weaker.

'hoseok-ah.' he heard a voice call him from the lounge. he trudged towards the voice and stood at the opening of the lounge, not getting any closer. 

'did you need me?'

seokjin gave a tight lipped smile before gesturing over to the chair next to taehyung to which hoseok shook his head at. 'i'm-i'm okay where i am...'

frowning but nodding seokjin threw a look at namjoon. 'hyung why were you nesting in another packs things? do we not make you feel safe?'

'w-what?! of course you do! it's just that...i don't know. they've given me so much comfort the past few weeks and it's just nice to finally have people like them in my life...'

how did those words offend the youngest? 'what do you mean people like them? do we not treat you well?'

hoseok rushed to stop the accusation of the young omega 'of course you do! it's just sometimes i get...i get lonely and they make me happy.'

taehyung growled and pushed the beta against the wall, ignoring the shouts of namjoon. 'so they make you happy and we don't? you'd rather be with another pack than your own huh?!'

hoseok yelped and pushed against the younger alpha with all the strength he could conjure up. 'you don't understand!' hoseok cried, gasping as the alpha was finally pulled off of him.

seokjin pulled the younger alpha behind him, smiling at hoseok before slapping the beta. 'you're right hoseok, we don't understand.'