Not good enough

CHAPTER 3

- and that, would be the end- he finishes.
Harry's history presentation was by far one of the best presentations I've ever seen.
He was the last one, and a couple of minutes later, the bell rang.
- You were amazing- I tell him.
- Thanks babe- he places a soft kiss on my lips.
We head to lunch now. And I forgot about lunch today, I swear I didn't do It intentionally, he's gonna be so mad.
We both sit down, and I see him pulling out his bag. He stares at me, waiting for me to do the same thing.
- Please don't be mad okay?... I forgot- I tell him.
- Al... it's been two days of you forgetting lunch- he tells me.
- I'm fine I swear- I tell him.
- Al... do you need anything? Are you sure you're okay ?-
- Yes I am okay ! Now stop it already !- I shout.
I feel some people looking. But I walk out of the room, and I hear him.
- Al, wait!-
I run to the girls bathroom. I lock myself in one of the cubicles, an I start crying. I honestly had no idea what was going on... kind of.
- Al... let me in please- I heard him.
- Go away!- I shout. But my broken voice made him run in.
he stood on the door, waiting for me to come out.
I finally got out.
- Hey... come here- he opened his arms, and I hugged him.
- I'm sorry... I don't know why I reacted like that- I tell him. - I'm so sorry... I'm such an idiot- I cry.
- Hey... look at me- he tells me. - You're not an idiot okay, it's okay-
so... I might have lied to him. To everyone. Cleaning my room I found my old notebook... and kind of relapse... I eat one meal per day, that's it. Sometimes I throw up and some others I don't. I just don't want anyone to worry about me. This time I've got it handled.
- Let's go okay ?- he asks.
I see how the look on his face changed. I'm not really sure of his reaction to be honest. But I'm pretty sure he's disappointed. I mean, who wouldn't?
He leaves, and comes back quickly.
- I told the principal that we have to leave, okay ?-
I nod, and follow him.
We get into his car, and he starts driving.
Half of the way was silent, until he broke it.
- Why ?- he asks.
- Why what ?-
- Why is this happening again? You were supposed to be better!- he screams.
His reaction caught me off guard.
- I'm sorry-
- Stop apologizing Al! Just tell me what it is so I can fix it!- he screams again.
I feel my eyes watered.
* play cancer by my chemical romance *
- Fix me ? Is that what I am to you ? A project you need to fucking fix ?- I scream with broken voice.
- No... of course...-
- Stop the car- I tell him
- Al... come on-
- Stop the fucking car! I want to go!- I scream this time.
- Al, I'm...- he reaches my hand
- Don't you touch me!- I scream.
I open the door and start running. Lucky me I had sports clothes on.
I start running. But not home. Just running.
If he thinks he can fix me, he's wrong.
I'm not some sort of problem that needs to be fixed, and if he thinks that way, then he can disappear.
I look around and find myself in the park.
- Why do you always end up here...- I whisper to myself.
I run to the grass, and fall into it. I look up to the sky, and take a deep breath.
I open my eyes, and realize that the sky is dark now, and full of stars.
I start running back home.
I feel my lips are dry, and my heart goes slower every step I take.
I turn to the side of the road, and I feel a dizziness in my head.
- Holy sh...- I stop myself.
I'm able to continue my walk home.
- Where have you been young lady ?- I hear my mom's voice. - We've been waiting for you!- she screams.
I look up and see Harry standing next to my mom.
- Get him out of here!- I run to my room.
- Alex...- he whispers.
I no longer hear anything because I locked myself in my room.
* play fix you by coldplay *
I run to my bathroom, and lock myself again.
I put my fingers at the back of my throat, and I throw up. But this time I don't do it just once, or twice...
- Al... let me in- I hear from far away.
I keep throwing up. It feels so good.
I start feeling dizzy again. My head feels like it's going to explode, my hands are shaking and so are my legs.
Even tho I'm sitting on the floor, I can feel how every part of my body is shaking. I feel weak, tired...
but we all know... pretty girls don't swallow.
- Al...- I keep hearing his voice far away.
I try to get up. Once I do, my legs start shaking, so I decide to sit back down.
I put my fingers in my throat again, and start throwing up, when the door opens.
HARRY'S POV:
I make my way into her room, by breaking in.
this was going too far, I could not loose her.
I also made my way into the bathroom, also breaking the door.
I opened the door, and my heart broke into pieces.
I saw her. Her face covered in tears, she was shaking. She had his right fingers covered up with fluids, form throwing up...
- Hey... come here- I sit on my knees, and bring her close to my chest.
Her heart race is very slow, I can barely feel it.
- Everything's gonna be alright...- I whisper.
- I don't want you here...- she says.
- I'm never leaving you again Al... I can't... I can't lose you- I tell her. My tears fall down.
- I'm so...- she stops talking.
- Al?- I look at her. Her eyes are closed, she's not responding.
- Al? Baby, do you hear me ?- I ask.
I try to find her pulse, with no success, and I start panicking.
- Somebody help! Hello?!- I scream. I cry. I pray for her to be alive.
- I can't... I can't find her pulse, I...- I cry. My words don't come out as I want them too.
Minutes later the ambulance is here.
We tried everything they told us. But she didn't wake up.
We got in the ambulance and drove to the hospital.
Once we were there, they kept us waiting for three long hours.
- Is this Alex family?- the nurse asks.
We nod. We were tired. We were anxious. We needed to know.
- Is she...- I ask
- She made it... barely- the nurse says. - Her body was very cold, her heart rate was at her lowest, she was dead... but she fought hard enough to come back. she's a lucky young woman- she says.
- Can we see her?- her mom asks.
- She's been sedated, so we can apply with no objection the nutritional tube... she'll be asleep for a couple of days, so she can get the rests and energy she needs, but you're more than welcome to visit her- she says.
We all go into her room. she's asleep, so calm and peaceful this way.
- I'm going to get something to drink... do you want something ?- her mom asks.
- No, thanks...-
she walks away. Leaving the room for the two of us now.
- Hey baby...- I whisper in tears. I run my hand through her hair, and I place my forehead against hers. - We're gonna get through this, okay ?- I tell her.
* play giving in ( acoustic ) iris *
- Al... I'm so sorry for pushing you too hard to feel this way- I begin to say. I know she's asleep, but I needed to get this off my chest. - I know I keep messing everything up... I just don't know what to say or how to act, I'm lost here... but I love you- I keep saying. - I really really love you, I love you like I've never loved before, and that's why I want to make things right with you. Not because I think of you as something that needs to be fixed baby, just because I love you- I whisper in tears. - And... and I know that you're strong enough to make it without me, but I have the chance to be by your side, and I take it... I will always take it- I tell her.- And, maybe, 20 years after this, when all of this is over, we have our family and our little house, next to the beach, like we talked, we can tell our kids the story of how their mum is the strongest woman on this planet... but for that, you need to stay, you need to fight... and you won't do it alone, okay ? I'll be here... always. I'll always follow you into the dark...- I finish.
I cry, and I see her mom standing on the door, crying as well.
She runs towards me, and gives me a tight but comfortable hug.
We both cry on each others shoulders.
it's been a long day, and there's still a lot more to come.