Reincarnated as a Female Yukihira Soma

Chapter 4

The next five weeks flew by as I silently lied down on my bed, not talking and ignoring everyone except for the 'yes' and 'no's that occasionally pass my lips during my daily examination. I know I was worrying everyone around me, especially my parents, but I couldn't find the motivation to live anymore. I remember swearing to live my life to the fullest when I got reincarnated in this world but...how am I suppose to do that when I am permanently blind? I am aware that I am acting like a spoiled brat but, could you blame me? Learning that I would have to live my entire life without seeing anything....how can I not? I won't be able to do simple tasks without anyone helping me. I won't be able to help my parents when they get old. I- I would just be a burden to my parents. 

'No!' I thought, shaking my head slightly. 'Remove these negative thoughts and just be grateful you are given another life!'

But, should I be grateful? I mean I never asked to be reborn, right? I...am I prepared to live another life where I could be killed by someone close again? Is my heart ready to face another set of people who could betray me in the future? I know that the main characters would never do so but the doubt would always be there in my heart. After all, I believed my friend, her boyfriend, and I would be close with other until the end. But, guess what? He killed me without mercy just because I fought a little with his girlfriend. I didn't even harm her physically or said anything bad! In fact, she was the one shouted out curses at me and punched me. So...who's to say I would not be hurt again?

I...

I'm scared.

I'm scarred.

I don't want to be hurt again.

Once was enough.

I'm...

"Soma!" I snapped out of my dark thoughts, turning my head to face the source of the voice who I assumed was my father due to the deepness of the voice. "Hi sweetie, you'll have one last check up and if it's good then you can go home now, alright?"

I just nod a little, indicating that I understand. Suddenly, I felt him hug me, his warmth surrounding me.

"I know it's hard right now, Soma, but please endure it until we can find a way to cure your eyes." he whispered in my left ear before kissing my forehead, still not letting go of me. 

I felt my heart ache from his words, hearing the sincerity in his tone. I wanted to believe him, I really wanted to. I wanted to tell him it's okay and that I'm fine. That I'm coping and he, they, shouldn't worry that much. But, all I could let out was a small whimper as I unconsciously hugged him back. How could he be this insistent? Couldn't he see that I was pushing him away? That I didn't want to get close to any of them? So, why was he trying so hard? For what? Because I'm his daughter? Because he loves me? But...I know love is not forever. One day, it will suddenly vanish and be replaced by nonchalance. So, while it's still early, can't I let go of this hope inside of me that they are better then them?

Another week pass by and I was stuck at home, probably my room, as my parents adjusted our house, hiring carpenters to make a ramp for me who can't see and my mother who is going to permanently stay in a wheelchair due to her unfixable legs. Apparently, I wasn't able to push her completely to safety as she was too tall for me and, as a result, the truck squashed her legs. This made me feel worse - not only would I be a burden for my parents but I couldn't even save my own mother who was willing to sacrifice her life for me completely.

Oh, and I still didn't talk, only sometimes when I felt the need to in order to not lose my voice. My parents and Fyra-san always visited me even though they are busy; Fyra-san with her job, my father with searching for ways to cure me and my mother, and my mother who was accompanying my father. 

This leads to me currently being bored out of my mind as I listened to music. Thankfully, my father bought me a DVD player so that I can listen to music that was in a disc just by clicking the remote. 

"Until how long will I live like this?" I asked myself in the empty room. "Forever?"

"Nope." a voice suddenly sounded out from behind me, causing me to panic and punch whoever was behind me, only for my fist to be caught. 

"Who are you!" I shouted, blindly punching and kicking continuously in hopes to hit him. "I may be blind but I can kill you!" 

Not really but a little bluff won't hurt, right?

"Jeez, is this how you repay us after we kindly sent you to this world? By threatening to kill us?" the voice said and I stopped. 

Wait... does that mean....

"Theso and Rheto?" I asked in a whisper, placing my right hand to my chest as I felt my heart beat quickly due to the stress and scare they gave me.

"Bingo!" a mocking voice, Retho, echoed around the room. "So, tell me little girl, how long are you planning to mope and act spoiled?"

"Hey!" Theso, I assume, shouted as I heard a loud smack. "Have more conscience, okay?"

"What do you mean by that!" Retho shouted. "I've had enough watching her live in negativity!"

"Aw, is Retho being kind?" Theso teased his partner before I heard another smack, this time louder then before. "Ow!"

"Shut up!" Retho hissed. "Anyway, how long will you waste your life away? I didn't agree to send you to a peaceful anime just to have you cry and weep due to the lost of your eyesight."

Another smacked echoed around the room as Theso scolded him again.

"Shut the f*ck up, Theso!" Retho shouted. "What's wrong with me stating the truth? She should be grateful I didn't send her to 'Attack on Titan' or 'Demon Slayer'!"

I slightly shivered at that thought. If they sent me there, I would have already died because I had zero stamina. Heck, I pant in exhaustion after walking up two flight of stairs.

Wait, wrong topic.

"Hah?!" I screamed in frustration. "What do you mean 'just' because I lost my eyesight?! Do you know ho-"

"Oh you shut up, little girly!" Retho said with anger laced in his voice. "You've got a lot of free time so learn how to move on, alright? Just because you lost your eyesight and got betrayed in the past doesn't mean it's the end of the world!"

"I..." I couldn't say anything, his words resonating in my heart. It's hard to live with the burden of my past and my lost of eyesight. But, if I let it all go and start a new, would I be able to start living?

"I what?" Retho said in annoyance.

"I-maybe you're right." I whispered, wondering if I am doing the right thing. "Maybe I should look ahead and not back."

"Good." Retho said.

"Well, uh, we have to go now so, bye, I guess?" Theso said before I felt no one else in the room, showing that they did leave already.