Hate How Much I Love You|| Sirius Black [2]

Chapter 6

For days following, Madison taught her classes and then hid in her quarters for the rest of her time. Even Remus didn't see her often. Her chest was heavy with regret and she wasn't going to dampen anyone else's lives with her sorrows like she did when she was younger. She had been alone long enough to realise the mistakes she had made. She was like a bull in a China shop, smashing all of the China plates and cups with every decision and turn in her life.

That's why she kept her distance from Harry also. She watched over him from far away, he was doing just fine. He didn't need some failed Godmother intervening in his life. He was happy, he had friends, he was fine. To her knowledge at least. He really did resemble his parents but, of course, he also was very much his own being. Little things reminded her of James' mischievous nature and adoration of quidditch, his scholastic abilities (under-appreciated by many of his professors due to his friend Hermione Granger's even brighter nature, but nevertheless, Harry was bright) much like Lily's. But there was more, so much more to Harry, that in her short time teaching at Hogwarts, Madison became aware were shadowed by who his parents were.

There was nothing wrong with resembling James and Lily but it hurt her that people limited Harry to only his resemblance. He was so much more. So, so much more!

She had volunteered to offer some support to Belle with her studies as the girl did struggle but really, she stayed hidden. Remus worried deeply about his friend. He knew something wasn't right but every time he went to talk to her about it other things came up. Dedicating one Sunday morning to track Madison down, he managed to do so and practically cornered her in her office.

"Talk to me, Maddie." He demanded. Sometimes with Madison, a little force was needed, especially as of late.

Madison waved Remus off with a bogus excuse of simply being tired but he did not buy into her lie. He knew her better than anyone in the entire world and she was not going to slip out of his grasp that easily.

"If you keep storing your worries up you're going to wrinkle. I should know, have you seen the caverns in my forehead?" He pointed at his own head. Her thin lips curled ever-so-slightly but not by much. "Come on, it's me, you can tell me anything."

"No."

"Oi, do I have to pin you down and tickle it out of you? You forget, Maddie, I know your weaknesses."

Madison raised her eyebrows at her best friend. Her eyes were tired and dull. The light in them was dim, she was like a ghost before him. The life from her was drained but Remus knew she was still in there somewhere.

If someone was to walk in on them they would come across a mirror image. The two, both broken and worn, staring at each other with aching hearts, who would have guessed they would be the last ones standing? The two started together as small children, went their separate ways and then joined back together aged sixteen, combing two friendships. Now they only had each other.

Madison wasn't going to cry. She was practically a raisin by this point. She had no tears left to cry. Remus pulled her into his chest, his heart pounding against his chest. There was definitely such thing as friendship soulmate. For he and Madison were one, in soul and in heart. They were out on this earth to be best friends, to grow old together, to laugh and to cry, to have and to hold, to be in love. Love comes in all shapes, forms and sizes and their love was something unmatched. Their love was what kept them together through depth and distance, it was so powerful that they were made to be best friends because if they were siblings, their love would not leave any room for anyone else in their lives. At least as best friends, their was room for others to fall into their love lives. As friends, as brothers, as sisters and as husbands and as wives. They had something so special that holding each other radiated a warmth only they could produce. It was their souls reconnecting together.

"Don't have regrets, use them as lessons. The mistakes one makes only aids growth. You may have made detrimental mistakes and stupid ones but, haven't we all? I left a woman to bring my daughter up. If I'd have forced myself to check up on Beatrice long after our separation maybe then I'd have been able to watch Belle grow up. I can't change the past, neither can you. Nobody hates you for your choices, they may have done at the time but life is too short for grudges and regrets-"

"But Snape-"

"Doesn't count."

"But-"

"Now, will you tell me what's on your mind? I can take a guess, a curly haired, escaped prisoner?"

Madison sighed and slithered from Remus' hold, dropping onto a chair with her head in her hands. "I hurt him. I hurt him in ways I promised I wouldn't. What if that is what led him to do it?"

"Kissing and doing whatever it is with Marlene is a teenage, minor mistake. How many girls had he kissed growing up? There was a sure bet he wasn't a virgin with you either. Madison, he loved you, he liked Marlene also. He understood your feelings. Sometimes you can fall in love with someone but still like others. You're not born with the ability of only having feelings for one person. Sirius was your first proper relationship. You had things with Mattei, but not a relationship. So, you didn't really experiment with anything. Sirius may have been the right person, but maybe at the wrong time. Maybe your life was mapped out differently, perhaps you were supposed to have something with Marlene then later on end up with Sirius? We didn't exactly plan on our two groups becoming one big one did we, eh? Life is a wondrous thing, unexpected and baffling. Don't regret anything. I will keep saying that until you believe it."

"I hit him, Remus. More than once."

"You what?"

"There was the playful kicking to gut between the group of us, he didn't take that one personally. He laughed about that one. But I slapped him. I was angry and I know that isn't an excuse to lay my hands on him especially after everything he had been through but I lost control of myself-"

"We all do things in a fit of rage. Sirius had hit me before. James had been hit by Sirius before and... Peter. We'd all fought before you two even knew each other personally. I can't speak on behalf of Sirius but I don't think he really would have taken it too badly. Otherwise that would be a bit hypocritical."

"But he was abused Remus."

"He said so himself, Maddie, he would have let you shoot him with a gun if meant he could have you as his. From the time he first admitted he loved you to us, he wanted to marry you and said he would have you kill him if it meant he could be yours. Let's get off of this topic, eh? You'll only drive yourself crazy. Have some chocolate and we will go for a drink in Hogsmeade."

"I can't forgive myself for what I did to him, no matter what you say he has said. I really can't. And I really cannot believe he sold out Lily and James and killed Peter. The logic of it all doesn't add up. I don't care who preaches what, he didn't do it and I will stand by my belief even if it kills me."

"And I'll be right beside you with that, Maddie. I shouldn't have not trusted him years ago. I hope standing by him now makes it up to him in some sort of way."

"I am sure it does."