Hate How Much I Love You|| Sirius Black [2]

Chapter 5

As Remus and Madison headed towards where Belle was, Madison could have sworn she heard the patter of padded-paws on the floor from amidst the dark shadows. She paused briefly to look back at where she heard the steps but nothing prevailed from that. Perhaps the thought of Sirius was sending her crazy? He always knew how to do that.

Remus noticed Madison halt and titled his head. She waved him off and continued to walk in silence. It still felt abnormal to be able to wander the halls of the castle without fear of being told off and gifted a detention for doing so. It still felt abnormal to be back. She never imagined returning.

"Hey Remmy?" He hummed in response, "Maybe you should go to Belle alone? After all, you're her dad, I'm just her teacher."

"What?"

"Go on, I'll see you in the morning." She smiled and patted his back. Before Remus had the chance to, she ran off back the way they came.

Remus shrugged and continued to head towards Belle whilst Madison made her way out of the castle, into the cold of the Winter's night, the dark, star-littered sky twinkling above her. Her breath polled out from her lips in little clouds, goosebumps building on her skin and a shiver ran down her spine.

The grass was crisp and covered in a layer of frost, crunching beneath her feet. Thankfully she had quickly changed out of the onesie and slipped on some regular clothes, but she didn't slip a jacket on- a pain of regret for that ran over her. Nevertheless, she slowly wandered over to a tree by the lake, the grass crunching beneath her feet.

She wrapped her arms around her front to keep her semi-warm. Upon reaching the specific tree, she collapsed to the ground not caring about the dampness. Her legs buckled and she dropped, her hand resting on the trunk, running over the carved letters.

Prongs- J.P.
Padfoot- S.B.
Moony- R.L.
Wormtail- P.P.
Leo- M.P.

Blue Belle- B.F.

The four engravings, brought a tear to her eye.

One afternoon, Sirius stole Madison from the girls and he led her, James, Peter and Remus down to the tree he and Madison sat at the night after his seventeenth birthday. Not one of them knew the reasoning for it but followed behind him nonetheless. "Close your eyes," instructed Sirius. Confused, the four did as they were told.

They heard the crunching sound of paper and Sirius said, "open you eyes." The four saw him hold a piece of parchment in his hand. "So I know I don't have to do this list anymore but I was re-reading it this morning and I wanted to complete task twenty-nine. To do something meaningful. I know I am not allowed any help but I wanted us to do it together. We are always by this tree so I thought why don't we carve our names and initials into it. By names I mean, Padfoot, Moony, Prongs, Wormtail and Leo. What do you say?"

The group smiled and Sirius tugged a knife and rock from his pocket. "I say Moony goes first."

Carefully, Remus caved his nickname and initial into the trunk of the tree, followed by the rest of them not long after. Once completed, they stepped back, smiling, their arms wrapped around each other.

That's how they would live on at the school. Their names in a tree by the lake. Their tree.

Except, there was no longer four names. Beneath Madison's was the words Blue Belle- B.F. It didn't take a genius to realise whose name it was. It was Belle's. She wondered whether Belle did it after she found out that Remus was her dad, or whether it was just a strange coincidence. Either way, it was nice to see that the next generation of Marauder was there with them, perhaps, one day, Harry's name would be there too? She would keep that in mind.

A crunch of grass caused her to snap away from her reminiscing. Before her she could see a dog. Haggard and sickly thin, with black matted fur. The dog stood froze staring at her. So much she began to believe the dog was a figment of her imagination.

"Oh, Sirius," she sighed.

If only the dog before was him. She didn't know how she would react if she saw him, but it didn't stop her from longing for him. Instead, she lives a life of regret and pain, a dog- who she didn't know whether it was real or not- watching her crumble before it.

Madison squeezed her eyes shut to conceal the tears. Was that all she was good for now? Crying. It seemed apparently so. When she opened her yes back up, the dog was gone. It definitely was not real. Once again, her mind played tricks on her. Awful, taunting tricks. Was this punishment for the way she acted in the last few years of her teenage years and early twenties?

To make her suffer for treating Sirius illy, for everything she did wrong?

Perhaps.

Looking back on what she did embarrassed her and sure enough if she was a character in a book, the author would die of embarrassment for the character they had written. For she was a shambles. An utter disgrace and no reader would ever like her.

Perhaps she should have kept her nose in a book, perhaps she should have continued to fear Sirius Black and James Potter? Perhaps she shouldn't have put her name in the Goblet of Fire? Perhaps she shouldn't have argued with Mattei Johnson? Perhaps she shouldn't have kissed Marlene McKinnon? Perhaps she shouldn't have done anything with Marlene McKinnon? Perhaps she shouldn't have kissed Lily Evans?  Perhaps she shouldn't have gone to Hogwarts?

Perhaps she shouldn't have been born?