The Churning Wake

Chapter One - Then

I don't know where to begin. Lizzie said I should write this down, because I'm the last one. I was the youngest student in Crestview High School to actually meet him. He walked into Miss Winter's class, and that's the beginning of the day that changed my life. I remember everything, and I wish I could just forget it all, wish I could turn back time and stop him. Stop the first bullet, tackle the first girl; hell, I'd stop him from being born. The twenty-four victims never should've been victims. My best friends should've come out of there, but they didn't. Not alive, anyway.

People always say that it's not my fault. I wish they'd stop saying that already! I know it's not my fault, it's his. But everything he did affects everything I'll do; everything all the rest of the survivors will do. There's six of us, who faced him and survived. Clay and Calla Lancelot; Leo Vergara; Leah Cramer; me, Brianna Celestial Bennett; and Lizzie Altobelli. The twins graduated last year, making me the last one still at Crestview. My other reason for writing this is to raise awareness for the things that went so terribly wrong. There shouldn't be a need for a plaque in the hall bearing the names of the victims. Why'd they put it there, anyway? I can't walk into school that way anymore, just to pass by their names every day. I see his name and I start crying. I see her name and I start crying. Cole Thomas. Alexandra Bradford. Even just writing this brings tears to my eyes. I miss them: every day, every hour, every minute. Beanie doesn't understand yet, but I know someday she'll realize that her dad never picks her up from Jen's. Shit, her dad wouldn't even need to pick her up from Jen's, he'd already be there. Beanie doesn't have a dad because some sick teenager decided to take revenge on his ex-girlfriend, and this was the revenge he took. How bad was it, really, Lex? How bad did you have to fuck up for him to do that? You weren't bad; I know, I know. You were so... Happy. So full of life. So... I don't know. Ready for this world.

It was such a normal day. He wasn't at school, but you leaned over and whispered that he was probably gonna be absent all day. I asked why, and your face turned bright pink. Your eyes went right to Derik Heron, sitting in the front row, and I knew, "No!" I whispered.

You smiled and I swear it lit up the room like the sun, "Yeah. I think so."

"Oh my gosh," I said, "Derik?" You just nodded and smiled. You opened your mouth to say something, but just then, Miss Winter started talking, calling the attendance. I don't know why Miss Winter called the attendance that day, she didn't very often. I wonder what you would've said if she hadn't interrupted.

I turned back and out of the corner of my eye; I saw a hand reaching into the aisle. Miss Winter's gaze was focused on the screen in front of her and she didn't look up. I took Cole's note, and unfolded it, as quietly as possible, on my desk. Who's getting Beanie this weekend? I crumpled it up and threw it into my bag. I shot him a Look. Beanie was my baby, after all. Every time I think of her name, I think of you, Cole. The day she was born, and they brought her to us, you said, "She's so small. Just like a Beanie baby, right?"

And I smiled, because she really did look like a Beanie baby, "Shh. You're not supposed to say that, babe." But I tore my eyes from hers in order to meet yours and return your smile.

I was just a freshman the day of the shooting, April 24th, but I had so much homework on my mind that I didn't notice the subtle oddities that Calla and Lizzie pointed out to me afterwards. I had skipped the last month of school before Beanie came, and some of my teachers were willing to help me do the work online, but others weren't so great. Beanie's arrival was a blessing and a curse. She is, singlehandedly, the greatest blessing I have ever been given, a tiny piece of Cole, sent to this earth to replace the bigger piece that would soon depart. But you know how people look at you when you're fourteen and are carrying around a little baby, claiming that she's yours? They aren't the kindest looks; I'll give you that much.

It was a normal day at school, trying to focus as Miss Winter explained ellipses and circles, when we heard a scream. Not just a shriek from a gossiping girl, a heart-shattering, gut-wrenching scream, "Gun!" and then Pop! Pop!

Beside me, Lex jumped to her feet, short brown bun jumping with her, "Hide!" She yelled it again, more forcefully, "Hide!"

Miss Winter looked puzzled, "Miss Bradford, please remain seated..." Her voice trailed off as her eyes locked on something unseen in the doorway. She rushed for the door, "No!" Pop! Miss Winter fell, curling up into a ball, clutching her abdomen. He kicked her aside, laughed satanically, and turned on us. Too many pops. Too many whimpers, prayers, cries, screams, pleas. Too many deaths. And then he left.

After the first pops, I had fallen to the floor, playing dead the way Lex and I did as kids. Lex fell beside me, and I whispered, "This isn't a funny prank, Lex." She was lying face down on the floor, and I thought it strange that she didn't respond. Lex always responded, always. I saw it then, the red satin starting to ooze through her shirt. A brand-new shirt she'd just bought the week before, so pristine, never worn. I gasped and whispered, "No, Lex, no! Stay here, hold on, Lexa." He was gone, I could hear more popping from down the hallway, so I dragged myself across the aisle on my still swollen belly and grabbed her.

Her face was so pale, like a ghost's. There was a tiny stream of blood leaking from her mouth. "Hide," She whispered again, "Get help, Bri. I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you," I whispered back as her tears mixed into the blood dripping into my lap, "Lex, you have to make it, I can't do this without you. C'mon, Lex..." But she was dead. Her heart gave a final rattling beat and that was it. The third death of that horrible day. The third life that should never have been so forcibly snatched from a hopeful soul.

"Cole, I need help," I called softly, my voice still startlingly loud in the dead silence. No response. "Cole? Cole!"

"Shh," A voice came from the back of the room, a voice I would later identify as JoyAnna Ascher. "Quiet. Be... Be quiet, Brianna."

It was strange then. Before it happened, the shooting, I hadn't been much of an observer, but once he left my classroom, that all changed. "Who are you?" I called, trying to find someone else alive in the mess around me.

"Mama, Mama, please help me," A hoarse whisper came from the other corner of the room. I pushed past Lex, too numb to even think about my actions, or what had happened. Too numb to think about anything. The light from the window fell on bodies, bodies everywhere. Sixteen victims in my class alone, and I was the only survivor. The voice came from Olivia DeAngelo. Calling for help. Calling. I didn't have a phone, due to being extremely forgetful and leaving it at home, but I fished Lex's phone from her pocket, wiped the blood off of it, and dialed 911.