The way I am (eminem) (re-edit)

Chapter Fifty-Four

Jay Halstead's POV

"Fuck!" I rushed over and picked Soph up.

She looked so pale it was scary, honestly she looked dead right now. I grabbed my keys and left. I lay Soph in my car and ran to the drivers side.

I don't care if she just 'passed out' she has looked ill for weeks now and she needs to see a fucking doctor, I don't care what Antonio thinks, something is definitely wrong with her.

-

"Mr Halstead?" A doctor announced and I lifted my head up. "You did the right thing bringing her here. Do you know if she is struggling with depression at all?"

"She use to but she has not mentioned it for a while, she seamed as though she was getting over it"

"Well, she has definitely been harming herself, she is covered in recent scars and burns and other injuries. As you probably know, she is also anorexic.."

"Shit" I shook my head. "So what can you do?"

"She was prescribed meds the other week, she hasn't been taking them. Also, Mr Halstead, I really need you to keep a very close eye on her, you should limit who you tell about this because if she gets overwhelmed with people it will make it a lot worse. I will also prescribe antidepressants for her, please make sure she takes them"

"I will do all I can, I will keep her at my house for a while and make sure she takes everything and I will help her through it all, I want what is best for her"

"She can go home now, there is not a lot more we can do. The only reason she passed out is because she hasn't had food in at least 2 days"

"Really? Fuck, I never even noticed"

"I will get her for you anyway Mr Halstead, thank you for bringing her in"

"Yes of course"

I could not believe it, how the fuck have I not noticed she hasn't ate? I can't tell Antonio, he will freak at her. I think I need to tell Marshall though.

Soph walked out, she still looked ill and just fed up. She looked up and saw me and gave me a small smile.

"Jay, i'm sorry"

"For what? Don't be stupid, come on, you have to come back mine, doctors orders. First though, we are going to mcdonalds because you need food"

"Fine, on me though, I have money and I sort of owe you since you brought me here"

"I just need you to eat, come on"

-

So I may have gone a little over the top with food but I need her to just eat a lot and i'm also hungry so I got: 20 chicken nuggets, a mcchicken sandwhich, 2 cheese burgers, 2 plain burgers and 2 big ass cokes. Oh and some fries.

In the end we decided to split it down the middle, Soph paid half and I paid half, it took a long time to decide.

I got the stuff and drove back to my house. Once inside I stuck on the heating and the fire because it was cold. I got Soph a thick blanket and myself one.

We sat down and started to eat. I love spending time with Soph, she is so funny she makes my day. It's upsetting how she closes herself up though.

"You never told me you were depressed again Soph" I sighed and she looked up at me.

"I'm not" she shrugged.

"Well that's a lie. You have been hurting yourself? What the fuck Soph, you know I am here for you"

"It was all just happening so fast. It's like, once you start, it is so hard to stop. You have one bad day and you feel like there is no other solution, it is like a drug addiction, it is hard to get over. Even the drugs weren't working so it was the only thing I could thing of"

"You are not going anywhere without me, you need to put on weight and get over all of this. You need to give me your word you will try to stop all of this"

"Don't tell Antonio"

"I wasn't going to anyway. Sophie, I have known you just under a year now, what I have learnt about you has amazed me. I know you don't let many people in on your shit, it is understandable really, the more people that know the more people that can judge. I can't tell Antonio, one reason because he won't let me look after you and another reason, he will blame himself for not noticing which means he will drink, it's not good when he drinks. I want to help you but I don't know what it is like being in your position"

"Living with depression can be really difficult , it makes everything you do in your everyday life a chore. Like waking up in the morning, it's a chore because you feel like there is no point in getting up, like there is no point in living another day where you feel useless, it's like there is no hope left anymore. Even eating is hard because you don't want to het fat, or because you feel no point in trying to live another day. Even breathing can be difficult because trying to breathe means purpose, and purpose means you are here for a reason. Even coping with people can be hard... Because nobody truly knows what your story is, even people closest to you. You can feel hopeless, going around lying to the only people you love, and you can't help but feel guilty for lying to them all of the time, about something you wish would just go away, but it won't ever really just 'go away'. It must be hard for a person to understand the true feeling of depression if they have not been there, it's like you are trapped in this dark room, no windows, no nothing. You can just feel the darkness, the loneliness, the nothingness, it's scary" she explained. "I want it to end" she finished.

Every little thing she had just said made me understand her so much better. Just not wanting to move, eat, breath. How can a small selection of things create this huge outcome?

"I'm so sorry" I whispered and just held her. I started to cry, I couldn't help it, this was emotional shit for me.

"There is no point in crying Jay, life treats us the way it wants to. You either play this big long game with life or you play the short game. Either way, life always has control"

"You need to get out of this frame of mind Soph, you need to look at things without overanalysing them.

"It is all very confusing to me, why does this happen to people, why do people do what they do and think what they think?"

"Because that is what we were made to do, you are not suppose to know why"

"You are very smart Mr Halstead" she smiled.

Suddenly I heard a knock on the door, the only people who know I live here are Marshall and Antonio. Something tells me it is Antonio..

"What do I tell him?"I was stuck, I had no idea what to do.

"Leave, i've got this" she suggested.

"No! I'm staying" I said getting up and answering the door.

"Is she here?" He asked and I nodded. "Why?"

"She passed out so I had to take her to the hospital, she just has a bad bug. I think it is best she stays here for a bit so she can not be bothered" I made up.

"Well let me see her"

"She's sleeping" I said loud so Soph heard.

"Well I still need to see her" he walked past me and Soph was curled up on the chair and had the blanket over her.

"I didn't think she was well, she has looked ill all week" he said and turned back around. "I will leave her to sleep, come around if she wakes up" I nodded and he left and I walked back to Soph.

"Smart" she laughed. "I am really tired"

"You are tired and have no energy because you don't want to be awake. Let's put on some music and chill and eat" I laughed.