Am I a lesbian? (the lesbian masterdoc)

But I think I've Liked men before?

You can identify as a lesbian if you’ve liked men in the past but no longer
are attracted to men or want to pursue relationships with them. lots of lesbians have dated or had genuine relationships with men before realizing they were lesbians, and that doesn’t make them any less of a lesbian.

If you don’t care about men or would no longer like to be with them, you can be a lesbian now. It’s a “now” identity - it matters how you feel now! you’re not interested in men, so you can identify as lesbian regardless of how you’ve felt in the past.

If you identify as lesbian now, and then meet a man and fall for him, it
would be wrong to call yourself a lesbian but having a relationship with a man in the past doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian now.

Many lesbians have previously liked men at some point in their lives before realizing they are lesbians. Now a common misconception is also that everyone is born knowing they are gay and that’s not necessarily true.

It can be because of both nature AND nurture. If you have had terrible experiences with men and now would like to no longer date them because you don’t see yourself being truly happy with a man and would only like to date women, you can be a lesbian too.

It’s okay to try on the lesbian identity and see how it fits you because many lesbians were unsure of how they felt about men until they identified as lesbians. This helped them realize how much of what they felt for men was actually compulsory heterosexuality over time.

If you think you feel attraction towards men but don’t want to date or be with them and instead want to date and be with women, then you CAN be a lesbian.

Lesbian doesn’t need to mean “only experiences attraction to
women”, it can mean “only feels comfortable, only prefers, and only prioritizes women & relationships with them”. Many lesbians have found out this way that their “attraction” to men was in fact compulsory heterosexuality.

Attraction is super complicated. It’s possible to recognize a man IS attractive but not be attracted TO him. Attraction is often coerced by societal
conditioning and some lesbians have hypothetical attraction to men due to
compulsory heterosexuality. But we don’t want to actually date or have sex with a man ever.

Allowing people to identify based on where they are willing to put their romantic and sexual energy is more powerful and gives people agency.