'Attraction' to men
● Deciding which guys to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to –
based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities. You have a ‘list’ of impossible criteria in your head that a man must meet for you to be attracted to him, and if you ever meet someone who matches all the criteria you just add more impossible standards.
● I’m constantly testing my attraction to men. I pick one or more conventionally attractive men in the room, and try to force myself to be attracted to them.
● I like the idea of being with a man, but any time a man makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable.
● I do not like the reality of men, only the idea of being with men.
● I like the idea of marrying a man/being in a relationship with a man, but I can always pick out a reason to not want to date any man that is interested in me or any man suggested to me. These reasons are sometimes reasonable, but often insignificant (i.e. “I don’t like guys who do their hair like that, he has a weird mole on his face, he’s too tall”).
● I can fantasize about men and find men attractive, but thinking about
realistically being with a man makes my stomach churn.
● Only developing attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him
● I like getting attention from men and being validated in my attractiveness, but the moment it goes from attention to an interaction (i.e. from flirting to asking out) I start panicking.
● Getting jealous of a specific female friend’s relationships with guys and assuming you must be attracted to the guys she’s with (even if you never really noticed them before she was interested in them)
● You view relationships with men as a chore, burden, or just something you must deal with.
● Confusing a strong emotional connection/dependency with a man for romantic feelings, can be due to mental illness.
● You get crushes on just about every guy you’re friendly with, because there’s really no difference between friendships and crushes to you
● You feel like you could theoretically be attracted to men (you may even have fantasies about them), but in practice you never have any feelings for them.
● Picking a guy at random to be attracted to
● Choosing to be attracted to a guy at all, not just choosing to act on it but flipping your attraction on like a switch – that’s a common lesbian thing.
● Having such high standards that literally no guy meets them – and feeling no spark of attraction to any guy who doesn’t meet them
● You’re far more certain about being attracted to women than you are about being attracted to men
● Only/mostly being into guys who are gender nonconforming or feminine in some way.
● Alternatively, the guys I like are always a hyper masculine man’s man who embodies everything about manliness.
● You want to date/fall in love/get married/have kids/etc with a guy, but the guy you dream about is never specific and may as well be a cardboard cutout
● All of my fantasies around men are always with faceless, nameless men; the more realistic the fantasy and the more details about my partner I invent, the less excited and into the fantasy I become.
● Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional guys or guys you never or rarely interact with. (Such as teachers, married or older men,
and men that live far away)
● Similar to only crushing on famous or fictional men, the men you like may be gay or in relationships as they are also unattainable (if they are in a relationship, you may even start to wonder if it’s actually the woman you have a crush on)
● You lose all attraction or get extremely uncomfortable if there are any implications that they might like you back. You get deeply uncomfortable and losing all interest in these unattainable guys if they ever indicate they might reciprocate
● You mistake the desire for male approval as attraction. You don’t necessarily want a relationship with men, but you want men to want a relationship with you.
● Reading your anxiety/discomfort/nervousness/combativeness around men as attraction to them. Confusing your anxiety around men for “butterflies” or being flustered.
● Reading a desire to be attractive to men as attraction to them
● Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women
● You wish you weren’t attracted to men / You wish you were a lesbian
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