recollision ~ ymir x historia

6: if only i could've protected you

saying "is it worth it? is it worth it? tell me, is it worth it?
oh-
guess there is something, and there is nothing

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it felt like time had stopped.
everything moved so slowly.
my heart was set on reaching historia and apologizing. i felt like i needed to apologize for something but i couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

apologize for not protecting you?

apologize for not being there?

apologize for dying?

my head pounded with a vengeful headache. what was i doing reminiscing over a past i could never change. i needed to focus on getting to historia and then i would sort out my emotions.

like on cue, the center erwin had discussed loomed over the horizon. my body moved without any signs of fatigue and i ran as fast as i could. the building was large and circular. it's minimalist design resembled a machine engine, with lots of doors and windows serving as the mechanics. i burst through the doors of the center and erwin followed in pursuit. with a huff he guided me down one of the hallways.

it was dim and gloomy, a contrast of the hospital exterior and generally feeling of the afterlife. the walls and granite floor were polished and clean; yet an air of loss and saddens hung on them. there were no windows in sight and the farther we pushed down the hallway the smaller the route seemed to become. eventually erwin slowed down and stopped at one of the many doors. he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a key, he proceeded to tell me where to meet him when i was done talking to historia. the medical staff had determined that she did not need further supervision and i appreciated erwins choice to leave us alone. with a nod i received the key and waved him goodbye as her trekked back down the gloomy hallway.

i breathed in and exhales, attempting o brace myself for what i was about to see on the other side of the door.

then i turned the key.

once again i couldn't breathe. the feeling of shock hit me like a bullet. some things look like they don't belong on certain situations. nobody wears a bikini in the winter, or a heavy coat in the summer. historia looked like she didn't belong.

she lay pale and frail in a hospital bed. as i opened the door light fell across her angelic face, illuminating her delicate features. feeling the light hit her face and hearing the sound of the door creak open, historia opened her eyes and met mine.

" ymir? is that you " she croaked. even in this pitiful state, historia was the most beautiful girl i had ever met.

" historia i'm so sorry, i couldn't protect you " as i finished my sentence i felt tears forming in my eyes. around historia all my walls were broken down. i had no defences. after hearing my words historia's face softened " no ymir, this wasn't your fault. i missed you so much " she broke down, her tears flooding endlessly and with no constraints.

i've never been good at comforting people but at that moment i did what my mind screamed to do and wrapped my arms around her. she buried her face in my shoulder. " ymir, it hurts " she whispered.

a/n: i'm so excited to publish the next chapter! i will warn once more, tw for self harm and domestic abuse!! the next chapter will definitely be a long one! :))