recollision ~ ymir x historia

7: the queen's gambit

there is nothing in between.

———————————————————————————

i was working in the barn when i received the second letter. the hay bunched under my fingertip and sweat beaded on my brow. i worked to keep my mind off of the war. of course i had so many responsibilities as queen but most of the time i had lots of extra time. the harsh sun seeped through the cracks and holes of the run down barn. me and a few stray cats were the only ones who could call if our home. the barn was about the closest thing to a home i had. i moved the hay and worked on fixing it up every afternoon if i was free. it gave me a sense of security and freedom. this day was alike any other, i was fixing to head back into town when i heard a horse heading my way.

i walked out of the barn and was faced with armin. the usually positive boy had a flat look on his face and without speaking he jumped off of his horse, gave me a nod, and mounted it, running off into the distance without a word spoken. as he left i looked down into my hands. there sat a clean white letter.

the letter called me to meet with levi at the castle by 8:00 tonight. gauging by the sun, i only had a few hours to tidy up and meet him. i mounted my horse that was tied by the back of the barn. we rushed off into the sunset, stirring up leaves and debris and leaving a wake of dust in our past.

•••

the room was calm. levi's words cut though the silence. " historia, i'm sure you had assumed this as much but it was suggested we confirm it with you. our troops have sighted and engaged with what we have identified as the next jaw titan. i'm sorry ".

just like a dagger had pierced it, my heart shattered into a million pieces. she was gone.

the only person i could truly trust

the one who has gotten me through it all

the girl i loved

she was dead.

that was the moment i lost the sparkle in my eye. i stood up and slowly walked out of the room. levi stayed seated eyeing me with a look of pity and reminiscence?

i made my way to my private room and sat on my bed. she was gone she was gone she was gone. the only person i was living for, and my hope of her ever returned had died. i looked at a mirror across from where i sat and locked eyes with myself. i looked broken. i shuddered. i looked like my dad in his final moments before licking up the titan fluid . i looked like scared prey.

before i could think straight i punched the delicate glass mirror. almost in slow motion the pieces shattered all around me scraping my hand and arm. my emotions were blinding me. all i felt was red.

die, die, die, die, die.
words flashed in my mind.

i grabbed one of the shards of glass from the mirror. i was so pathetic and weak. i took the shard and dug it into my arm. pain blinded me.

i cut
and cut
and cut

all i saw was red. my arm was a canvas, imperfect and flawed. covered in the paint of my pain.

•••

after that a lot of things happened. i'm not sure if anyone knew about my breakdown. armin looked at me with pity. mikasa's gaze was kinder. connie stopped joking around with me so much and jean avoided me, possibly scared of saying the wrong thing. every discussion was above me. i rarely processed what was happening. i kept a smile even though my life was slowly draining.

and it just got worse.

a/n : hey guys! i'm going to split this in two parts so it's not as long! i appreciate all the stars and thank you so much for 30 reads!! i'm glad you guys are enjoying this so far :)