My mask of happiness.

Chapter six

I scribbled on the front of the envelop 'Open' and stared at the paper and pen for a few minutes then began to write.

"Parents,

I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you wanted, that I didn't do really good in school or college, that I didn't make you proud and that I was just a massive disappointment to you both. I know you won't care when you read this anyway so I don't have much to say. We grew apart and I had no one there for me, to talk to, to just help me.

Best friend,

You've been a good friend to me and tried to help me, but you never really understood what I was going through or what I felt and it was hard to explain to someone who hasn't gone through what I have. Thank you for being there for me when you was, and being a true friend, a proper friend, not like them other fake friends who left. I'm worse than you think, I don't like living like this, I'm sorry if this hurts you but I just want to be happy.

Casper,

You hurt me a lot, more than I thought you ever would. I thought you would always be there for me, but where are you now?I can't do this anymore, it's too hard, I have tried and gotten this far but now I know it is never going to get better. You was the only one who was truly there for me, or I thought you were, the one who understood what I was going through. You knew how much I needed you. I'm fed up of feeling like this, so fucking shit. I cry everyday, sometimes 5 times a day, I constantly think about suicide and I've gotten so close to doing it but you've always managed to stop me, but not this time. I'm finally going to be happy, but thank you for everything you did, for every single time you was there for me, putting up with my shit everyday and just generally helping me, helping me go to the doctors and trying to get me help, I honestly love you so much and you threw it back in my face. I'm a mess, my head is fucked and there is no way of fixing it, if only you could hear the thoughts in my head, I cant handle all this anymore. I wouldn't of stayed if I was you either, I mean look at me, who would want to know me. Everyone will be happier without me. Goodbye. I love you."

I folded the paper and shoved it into the envelop, I sighed and wiped the tears away, took a deep breath and whispered to myself "I can be happy, finally." then I took a mouthful of bleach and swallowed it, and another and another. Gulp after gulp.