Secrets || Michael Clifford

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Journal
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This is the start to my biggest mistake.
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I opened my eyes only to see I wasn't looking at a black wall and laying on an uncomfy bed. I looked at my surroundings and immediately remember everything from last night. I sigh before sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Grabbing my phone and standing up I immediately go to the bathroom, stumbling on the way.

Looking in the mirror I quickly shift my eyes away and squeeze them shut to hopefully open them and like what I see looking back at me. Slowly opening them I let a whimper escape my lips. Splashing water on my face and searching for any form of makeup I can find. Only to my luck, there is none and I quickly run my hands through my brown locks taming the frizziness. Once I get enough courage to leave the bathroom I slowly unlock the door and step out.

"So Calum wasn't lying huh?" Luke said looking straight at me with no expression on his face. "Um, excuse me?" I questioned shifting my gaze to the ground. "Your actually back, wow never thought I would see you again" he said with wide eyes and a smile, I just nodded my head, I wasn't in the mood to have a conversation at 6 in the morning. Before I could walk past his bed he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down into a hug, well more like straddling.

He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck. We sat there for almost 10 minutes before I let go slowly, him doing the same. "I'm sorry" I said looking away from him and getting up. "For what?" He asked standing up with me and following me over to the other bed. "I really should be going, I have to go get Oliver and tell Calum goodbye, I'm only going to ruin things again and it's better if I just stay away." I quickly said and gathered my things in my hands, still wearing Calum's shirt and sweats he gave me last night after I came back from Michaels room.

I grabbed my phone and set the room key on the desk before going to the door. "What are you talking about? You didn't ruin anything, just stay for awhile please" Luke said looking at me with pleading eyes. I sighed before quickly giving him a kiss on the cheek and not looking back to see his expression before I turned the handle and walked out, closing the door behind me. It's better to not know how many people I've hurt in the past 12 hours that I've been with them.

My feet padding down the hall I walk to Ashton's room where Calum and Oliver are. Calum had decided to sleep in Ashton's room to give me some time to think, no matter how any times I protested. Knocking on the door slightly I winced at the sudden coldness on my knuckles. The door opened to a sleepily Calum rubbing his eyes. He smiled at me before giving me a quick hug and letting me in. "I need to go Calum, now" I whispered before going over to pick Oliver up.

Calum wrapped his hands around my waist and brought me over to the "kitchen", "We need to talk first" was the only thing he said as we sat at a table and stared at each other. "Cal, there's nothing to talk about, I'm leaving now." I said standing up only to be pushed down by Calum. "No your going on tour with us" Calum demanded more then said. "I'm not losing you again, who knows the next time I'll see you or Oliver again, I can't keep doing this whole texting thing because you and Michael were together and both of you can't get over it so your staying for me, and that's final" I sat there stunned at his words he seemed to just slip passed his lips.

"I'm sorry Calum, but I have a life here that I need to keep in line and going on tour isn't apart of that so if you could please reason with me and just let me go back to my regular coffee working life I would appreciate it." Standing up and walking over to Oliver I slowly picked him up and walked towards the door. 

"At least let me drive you" Calum said while grabbing his keys. "Wait I need my things!" I said rushing to get my clothes and phone. "Oh no you don't" Calum said grabbing my wrist and pulling me out the door. "What the hell Calum I need that!" I yelled trying to open the door.     

He grabbed sleeping Oliver out of my hands and ran down to his and Luke's room and knocked.

I ran down the hall trying to get there before Luke opened the door but it was hard considering that Calum was 2x faster then me. The door opened and Calum handed Oliver to Luke muttering a few things before the door closed. "Calum what the fuck do you think your doing?!" I screamed probably waking up the whole hallway.    

I pounded my fist on the door trying to get Oliver to at least say something.       "Were going to get your stuff" he said shrugging before waking to the elevator. I stomped over to him and got into the elevator. "I'm not getting anything, I'm staying here and that's final, you better bring Oliver back to me or I swear to god" I said through gritted teeth.

"You were always so stubborn huh?" Calum said smiling before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the doors. I huffed before covering my face and walked out into a group of girls and paparazzi. Hands reached out at me with screaming in my ear and flashes were coming from every angle. I couldn't make out what they were saying but the things I did made my eyes gloss over and squeeze Calum's hand tighter.

We ran to his car and got in, actually I don't know if it was his car or not considering he stayed in the tour bus. He seemed to know how the car worked though, turning on the air conditioning and starting the car. "You don't even know where I live dumbass" I said smirking, "I sure don't but your going to tell me" he said looking straight at me backing out of the parking lot.

"Um no, I'm not telling you anything"

"If you want to see Oliver today or the next 6 months you better tell me"

"Calum fucking Hood you can't threaten me by using my brother, besides you aren't even on tour for 6 months"

"Well surprise then because my original plan was to visit you in Australia in 2 months and you come on tour with us the last 4, but there's been a slight change in plans so either tell me where you live or I can go get Oliver to show me"

I scoffed before telling him to turn left, he smirked and followed my directions. We pulled up to my apartment building before getting out. "Be ready to pack your stuff because you only have an hour and I'm not dealing with your shit" he said walking past me up the stairs.      

I pulled out my key and let Calum in. "You want tea?" I asked smiling and slightly chuckling at his glare he gave me. "Go pack your damn stuff" he said walking down the hall.

"Calum I said I wasn't leaving and that's final!" I screamed down the hall at him. He turned into my bedroom and I walked down the hall trying to catch up with him once again. I walked into my room to see Calum stuffing my stuff into a random bag left on the ground.    

"What the fuck are you doing, put that down" I said trying to get him to stop but I wasn't strong enough. "Either pack with me or go wait in the car" Calum said not looking at me. I huffed but grabbed a bag and walked towards Oliver's room grabbing everything I would think he needs. Once I had everything in 4 bags I brought them to the front door by the other bags Calum put there.

I ran to the bathroom immediately remembering something. I walked past Calum in my room and entered my bathroom before shutting the door and locking it. I opened the same drawer that I've seemed to open so many times since I've moved here. Grabbing out 3 of my sharpest blades I stuffed them into my pocket along with my pills. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I opened my door to see all of my clothes taken out of my dresser and my blanket off my bed.

Calum had begun to move my bags down to the car. I grabbed the last 2 and closed the door while locking it being careful not to push the blades into my stomach while going down the stairs. "I talked to the lady up at the desk and paid for your rent already so don't worry about that" Calum said closing the trunk and walking to the front of the car.

I looked at the familiar building once more before climbing into the car. I sat my head in my hands and closed my eyes thinking of everything running through my head. "Well, here's to your new life then, it's time to start over." Calum said before speeding off down the road, and boy my life took a turn for the worst.