Secrets || Michael Clifford

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Journal.
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I can play games to, but don't think I won't get broken on the way.
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I'm not exactly sure why I chose to live in California out of all places, I could have chose Idaho or Thailand even. I should have just went to a small town in the south, no one judges you there. Every time I walk down the street or while i'm in the store I can feel every eye on me. It's not a joyful feeling, in fact it's quite the opposite.

And that's how I feel right now as I'm walking through the mall with Oliver. We had been here for almost 2 hours trying to find him new toys and clothes with my paycheck, like I had promised. But every time he thought he found something he would decide he didn't want it and I had to try to persuade him, obviously not working.

Every time I went in a store I got the same looks though. Always disapproving or disgusted. Why? I have no idea, and I probably never will. I just wanted to go to my shit house and sleep, but Oliver will always comes first.

I had heard that the one and only 5 seconds of summer were coming to this mall for a meet and greet sometime this week. That's why I chose today, so I could avoid them. Can you feel my excitement? Yeah me neither.

I noticed Oliver pulling on my arm with his tiny hands before he went running to his favorite store. I began slowly walking behind him into the same store once again for the fifth time.

He had came back to the same little toy cars he left before. "Zoom, swish" he kept saying over and over as he raced on his hands and knees around in a circle.

I chuckled and picked him up with his cars and brought him over to the counter to pay for them. We had to wait for the line in front of us, so he just drove his car up and down his arms back and forth.

"Did you know 5 seconds of summer is coming today?" The lady in front asked me smiling very widely. My breath hitched in my throat, "Um like Calum and them?" I asked praying that she would say no or that maybe there was a mixup.

"Yeah, I had to bring my daughter, so i'm out shopping for my nephew" she chuckled "I've been shopping for hours but they should be here any minute" she said. I politely smiled and nodded before tapping my foot on the ground rather anxiously. I definitely needed to get out of here now.

The lady waved at me before turning out of the store with her bags. I stepped up and set Oliver down on the counter. I grabbed his toys and practically threw them on the counter.

"That will be $13.74" the clerk said rather rudely. Rolling my eyes I pulled out a 20 and waited for my change. "$6.26 is your change, bye." She shoved the logo bag in my face and looked at me. I grabbed it and scoffed while picking up Oliver and setting him on my hip. Making sure to flip her off and walk out. She made a nasty face towards me but continued with her job.

I wasn't in the mood for her shit or anyone else's, especially right now.

Almost racing to get out of the mall with Oliver on my hip and a bag of toys in my hand weighing me down. "Can we get China?" Oliver asked me while giggling in his little aussie accent.

He couldn't pronounce Chinese or food so he stuck with China.

"I guess buddy but we have to leave after that, okay?" I told him and he nodded his head excitedly. I figured that while getting food they would arrive and I could sneak out another exit. I turned around and fast walked down to the food court. I took out my remaining change from buying the toys and ordered brown rice with chicken. I gave them the money telling them to keep the change. "Eat here?" Oliver asked once again.

Sighing I knew that Oliver was enjoying himself so I set him down and grabbed his hand and with the other grabbed his food and walked over to a table. I set the toys beside me and set the food down. I grabbed Oliver and put him on my lap. Opening the silverware and handing him a spoon, not trusting him with a fork. I watched him eat and sometimes I fed him. I was growing sicker by the moment, the thought that 5sos could be anywhere in here by now scared me.