A Heart With A Million Scars (ON HOLD... Sorry)

Don't kill any random strangers

How long have I sat here crying? I asked myself. The sun is going down so I’d say hours. I sat here crying over a boy for hours. A boy I wasn't even in a relationship with. God what the hell is wrong with me. Sure I liked him, a little. Okay maybe more than a little but that doesn't mean I should cry over him in my car for hours. I have no idea what people in movies and books go on about that how you can still feel the other persons lips on yours after a kiss. Or how you can still taste the taste of their mouth. It doesn't happen. You don't feel anything, well I feel my lips swelling up a little. But apart from that you don't feel anything. Okay I should go home. Why do I even call it home? It's not home. Its a place that holds my belongings. It's a roof over my head when it rains. A place for me to sleep and do my homework. A place with food. Okay I should go to that place I stay and make dinner that I’ll eat half of if even that. Oh food what did I do to make you hate me so much? I thought we had something special! I chuckled at that... wait what? Since when did I make jokes, even if they are in my head. And since when did I chuckle? What the fuck is happening to me? What the fuck is Ben doing to me. Well what has he done to me. He can't really do anything any more as... no I will not think about that. Now drive woman drive. And don't kill any random strangers ... or yourself. When I got home my fathers car was again in the driveway. And there goes my reasonably happy mood. Wow two night in a row. Has to be some kind of record. Oh god how long has he been here? If he's here there is only one reason why, me. And if I’ve made him wait this long... No I do not have to fear him. There is nothing to fear but I really don't want want to face him right now. Yesterday he slapped me, what will he do today? Slap me again, punch me, beat me up. When will he stop? When will he know when to stop? Okay seriously I don't need to fear my father. But really do I have to see him tonight? I could just drive away, but I want my room. It's the only place I can be me. I could just walk straight past him, but that will probably just get me in more trouble. Okay just sneak up to my room and pretend I was never here. And if he sees the car, um I’ll deal with that if I have to. Slowly I get out of the car and head towards the front door. Why is my heart pounding? I’m just entering the house to which I live. I open the door slowly step in then close the door as softly as possible. Then I run as softly as I can up the stairs to me room. Once I close my bedroom door I let let the air out that I didn't realise I was holding. I can't believe I made it. I found my feet moving towards my desk, where my iPod sits on the dock. I turned the dock on and my iPod's screen lit up. I scrolled though my music until I found Black Veil Brides, set the world on fire and put all the songs on shuffle. My room was filled with Andy's voice with Love isn't always fair.

One look and I am sold

You got me on my knees

You steal all my innocence

A love sick melody

Take me…

You always want the one that you can’t have

Cause' Love Isn’t Always Fair

You are the best romance I’ve never had

Cause’ Love Isn’t Always Fair

Your kiss a withered rose

Your lips have buried me

Hearts race the moments gone

We shared this fantasy

Take me…

You always want the one that you can’t have

Cause’ Love Isn’t Always Fair

You are the best romance I’ve never had

Cause’ Love Isn’t Always Fair