A Heart With A Million Scars (ON HOLD... Sorry)

All the neglect

This room is dark. So very dark. Yet there’s another presence. I can’t see, why can’t I see? My arm’s stinging but when I hold it up to look at it I can’t see it.

Then a bright light fills the room and I have to shield my eyes so I don’t get blinded. When I look up again Kate’s there. She’s the light. It’s like it’s coming from inside her. She is the light… my light. She smiles sweetly at me. And I prepare to run and tackle her in a hug. Only I can’t. It’s like I’m in a cage. Being held back. Why can’t I get to her I need to get to her.

“I’m sorry.” I scream at her “Please. Please. I’m sorry.” At my words tears appear in her eyes. But as they fall they turn to blood. “No.” I scream. I struggle to get free to get to her. To help her like I failed to the first time.

“I’m sorry too.” My fathers voice sounds in my ear. I look down and see I’m not in a cage. I’m in his arms.

“Please dad please.” I beg him. But he doesn’t budge. I look back at Kate and she’s getting paler and paler. Blood is rushing from her wrists and still streaming down her face in tears. “Daddy please!” my voice a mere whisper. Please. Please. Please. I chant in my head. “Daddy let me help her.”

“What makes you think she’s wants your help?” he sneered in my ear. “You couldn’t help her the first time. You can’t help her now.”

“Because of you.” I tell him never taking my eyes off my sister whose life is bleeding from her just before my eyes. “If you let me go I can get to her and help her.” I tell him.

“You think you can help her?” he asks cruelly. “It’s your fault.”

“It’s not my fault.” I say to my father or my sister I don’t know. Because I’m looking at Kate I see her gaze turn downward and I fallow it. In my hand is my blade. I look at my own arms and see nothing but healing wounds. So how can there be fresh blood on it. I look but at my sister and the bleeding cuts on her writes. “No.” I cry out loud. “I didn’t. I couldn’t. Katie please believe me?” she just shakes her head at me. “Daddy please let me go please.”

“Never Ella. You deserve to watch this.” He says, “It is your doing after all.” Deserve to watch this. Deserve to watch this. My doing. My doing. My doing.

“Katie I’m sorry please, believe me.” She opens her mouth as if to reply. But she’s screaming. A silent scream. Why can’t she just burst my eardrums? That would be so much better. “Katie.” I scream. With her mouth open it gives the blood the opportunity it needed for it to come out of her mouth. With it pouring from her mouth, wrists and streaming from her tear ducks. I knew she only had minutes. I struggled all I could against my father restraining arms. I struggled but the more I did the more he held onto me. But by the time Katie was falling to the floor I was pressed against his chest. “No please. Katie. Katie!” I was screaming for her but I knew it was too late. “Daddy, please. Please.”

“What do you want Ella?” he asks sweetly.

“Let me go. Just let me go.” I scream at him.

“Okay.” is how he responds. Once the words are out of his mouth his restraining arms are gone from around my waist. Once they’re gone I fall to floor and only just miss falling on my face. On my hands and knees I crawl to where my sister is lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood.

“Katie wake up. Please just wake up.” I plead with her. Please. “Just wake up!” I scream at her. She doesn’t move.

“She’s gone Ella!” my father states. “And it’s your fault!” then he walks over to where I’m on the ground. Forces me to stand up. Despite my struggles to stay with my sister. Once I’m up he holds me into his arms. But it’s not a warm comforting embrace. It’s a cold, mocking one. His body is ice cold and he’s mocking me. Pretending that he loves me. And I know this because he whispers in my ear, “It’s all your fault!”  Than he lets me go turns away and walks through the door. Leaving me once again alone in a dark room.