A Heart With A Million Scars (ON HOLD... Sorry)

Mine or theirs

I really don't want to do this! Why am I here? I didn't I just fly away without coming here to tell him? I could just fly away. He wouldn't have to know. Well yeah he did, but he didn't have to know from me. Maybe if I leave and he'll call home one night. Then mum... no wait mother, or father could tell him. But that will probably make him hate me. He'll think I hate him I I just leave without a goodbye. Wait when did I start caring who hated me or not? It's not a big deal. People hate other people whether they hate me or not is there problem... NOT mine. So why do I care if Ben hates me or not? Do I like Ben? NO... I can't. I shut off my emotions years ago. No I don't like him, he's just the only person who doesn't make me want to claw my eyes, or their eyes out when they talk to me. So I can't just fly away. That would make me a terrible person. Well even worse of a person, as if that was even possible. How long have I been standing here? Debating whether to go in the music shop or not? Five, ten minutes. That has to be all. Hmm I get the feeling it's been longer. Much, much longer. Oh well time is irrelevant when it means nothing. Why should I care what time I get up? What time I get to school? What time I eat, if at all? What time I finish my homework, if I start it at all? Why should anyone care what time they go to bed? It doesn't matter! Whether you go to bed early or late it still has the same result. You wake up even more tired then you were before you went to sleep. So why we still care about the time baffles me. Though most things us humans do baffles me. Yeah I don't think I can be classified as human any more. Who wants to be human anyway? They're stupid and boring. They make me want to vomit. Not that I have anything to vomit except bile. Okay people are starting to stare! Another thing humans are rude and noisy. Well I probably should either go in or leave. Well it's not like it's a life changing decision. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Why am I standing in front of the counter? I wasn't going to do this I was going to leave. But no my feet had other plans.

“Can I help you?” The chick behind the counter said. Well I guess she wouldn't know I work here.

“Is Ben here?” I hear myself say.

“Yeah why? You his girlfriend?” Um okay why is she glaring at me? Does SHE like Ben. Um yeah no. She has no chance I hell with Ben. I know his type and it's NOT blonde, booby, one direction loving teenager. Yeah he likes teenagers as he is one himself but he likes brunettes, people with souls! Real ones, not fake ones like this chick here.

“Yeah um no!” She visibly relaxes.

“Oh well good! Yeah I didn't think he'd go for almost dead people!” she said with a smirk. The smirk quickly vanished when she saw I had no reaction.

“so where is he?” I asked again.

“Out back, sorting CD's.” I started walking towards the back when she stopped me “NO. Only staff go back there!” again with the smirk.

“I am staff.” The smirk once again disappears.

“What do you mean?” she asks with a confused expression.

“I mean I work here!” How stupid can she be. “Would you like me to spell it for you?” She didn't answer so I might as well have some fun. “I. W. O. R. K. H. E. R. E!”

“What the hell does that spell?” Oh for fucks sake! I'm just about ready to start hitting but head against the wall. No wait, I am ready. She is too stupid for her own good.

“It spells I work here!” She whole face flushed bright red. “Now I’m going to go talk to Ben as you are boring me to death.”

I turn and start to walk away but again she makes me pause by saying “Yeah well looks like your killing yourself slowly anyway... I was just helping you die faster. Probably doing everyone a favour by doing so!”