Asher's POV
The drive to Cresmont Cemetery was as expected; quiet and dreary.
I was at the rear seat of the Ford jeep alone; Alistair decided to drive and my mum took the passenger seat so I could think over exactly what I wanted to say at the funeral.
A really dumb idea to leave someone teetering on the edge of depression to their own dark thoughts yet at the same time I was grateful; perfect solitude and silence was the only time I could remember her perfectly, just as she was.
The silver grey hair that matched her outwardly cold personality and turbulent nature, not to mention her name.
I chuckled inwardly, her adoptive mother wanted a name that represented who she was and she got it perfectly.
“I watched Raine truly laugh and I mean really laugh so her eyes crinkled and closed up, hand over her face to cover up her nose which was turning light pink from the rushing heat of the happiness she felt and her barely audible snort with her head thrown back and I could have sworn at that exact moment I had literal stars in my eyes and I just thought I want to remember this moment ;
I wanted to capture her laugh in a painting so I could forever remember her joy.
Then her mother turned her attention to me and you could see where Raine got her eccentric tastes from as her wavy fiery red hair moved as she swiveled her head to face me “So Ash, have you never wondered how Raine got her name?”
I smiled, looking directly at the subject of the discussion who rolled her eyes at the topic
“Come on mum, you always tell this story”
Her mum, Phoenix scoffed at the accusation “Well it’s my favourite story and I only tell it to the people
I think truly care sweetheart”
I responded before Raine could, I mean I’ve always thought how much her name related to her personality but never heard there was an actual story behind it, though given her mother’s name is Phoenix; I’m not exactly shocked “Yes, I have and despite Raine’s implications, I’d love to know the exact story behind it”
Phoenix smiled widely at my response “Well when I finally adopted Raine the fact that she had a stormy personality was no secret, I thought about changing her name to Stormy so many times but then I thought first of all she isn’t a Kardashian and it honestly just didn’t seem beautiful enough for her and there was just something missing”.
At this point I could see the room had picked up a warmer mood and as I slid my hand across the table to hold hers, I saw her mum had the same idea squeezing her left hand gently and I couldn’t help but smile.
“You know growing up, adjusting to everything, it hasn’t been easy for Raine and it still isn’t. I know she’s told you about the nightmares and you’ve seen her experience it yourself, and how she’s struggled with sleeping but you’re pretty perceptive I’m sure you’ve noticed how easy it is for her when its raining, even in storms and how she sleeps even more soundly when she’s closer to it”
I nodded in agreement, as memories of covering her up in a blanket, staring at her curled up in a beanbag chair on our balcony sleeping more peacefully than she had in days with no medication.
“Well, the first time I discovered this was the first few weeks after the adoption, I remember the nightmares she suffered and her inability to sleep tore me up and I didn’t want to put her on medication so young especially since I didn’t understand how every other day it seemed so bad but on some days she could just sleep through anything even a storm. I tried asking her about it but she wouldn’t budge, I just wanted to know how to help;
Then one night, I was checking in on her and I noticed she wasn’t in her room and I swear I almost lost my mind. I was frantic and so close to dialling, 911 but I decided to check the tree house, maybe she finally decided to use it and there she was curled up in her blanket and I tried to wake her, move her and in her sleep induced state she told me “No, I needed to get closer, the voices were louder today” and that’s when it clicked.
The rain helped calm her mind and so she could sleep easier. The next day I just started calling her Raine and she never stopped me”
I felt myself jolt out of the memory as a hand shook my left shoulder. I turned towards the perpetrator and found Alistair with his face scrunched up with worry.
I felt my heart fill with a nauseous sense of guilt; I had made him worry more in these ten days than in the past seventeen years of his life and I just wanted to spare him.
He must have seen my forlorn expression because that familiar cheeky grin split across his face “Hey, man are you planning on getting out of the car or are you waiting on a special invitation to someone else’s funeral. Remember it's not your special day yet, its hers”.
I shook my head at his words and stepped out of the car “I should have known even my girlfriend’s funeral isn’t enough to dampen your unique sense of humour”
He rolled his eyes at me but said nothing as we walked to the entrance of the cemetery.
When we stepped in I could see Winter- Raine’s aunt and her husband at a distance talking with the priest, so I knew I had about a few minutes before I had to talk to people I really shared this grief with, so I placed a hand on Alistair’s shoulder and he stopped walking “What’s up?”
I sighed looking towards Raine’s aunt again “I just need to say…thank you for everything and especially for being here; I mean you didn’t have to, she was my girlfriend-”
He shook his head at me “Alistair enough, remember yes she was your girlfriend but she was my friend too and so there is no way I’m letting you find your way through this alone”
I nodded my head “I know, I know but still…..thank you man”
He smiled “Not an issue; any how I’m going over to find a seat because Winter season over there has basically been staring, ice glaciers at my back, please go talk to her” and with that he walked off as Winter started making her way to me.
“Asher, it's good to see you. I would ask how you are but given the circumstances, I think I already know the response to that”
I gave a weak smile “Hi winter, thank you for doing all this”.
She folded her arms “Oh please no, yes I would have liked to have the funeral in New York like her mother but you’re right her mother might have grown up there but Raine didn’t. Dawson is where she made all her memories; it’s her home.”
“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to bid a farewell to Raine Maxwell, a cherished daughter of Dawson and commit her into the able hands of the Lord”
As I took a look around at the people present at the funeral service, I almost laughed out loud at the words of the priest- cherished-
How could anyone here cherish her when they barely knew what she looked like or had spoken less than five words to her. Most of the people that knew her, avoided her because it was all just too much and now that she’s dead…she’s cherished.
I was so upset I missed the priest calling me to the podium until Alistair whispered in my ear “Asher, it’s her day”.
I looked at him and I finally understood the meaning underlying what he said at the jeep, it’s not about my grief- its about her.
I gave a half nod and made my way to the stand. I got to the front and decided I was going to tell everyone here who Raine really was.
“You know for the minutes it seemed like I was lost, I was just reeling in my anger and suffocating in my grief, just like I had been doing for the past days except my object of annoyance right now is well- all of you;I just kept going over the word “cherished”. How can you cherish someone you don’t even know? I mean half of you here flew in with Winter so you definitely don’t know her and the other half- how much did you care before?”
I stared directly at my mother.
“Then a friend reminded me, it’s not about me, my grief or my anger because this day is for her and honestly she deserves to be loved even by a town who never loved her when she was alive; I understand you really never knew her so how can I completely blame you for not knowing to cherish her?”
I smiled at Alistair
“I came on this stand and decided I was going to show you exactly who she was and the person you should have loved, not that wooden box, but I honestly don’t even know where to begin; because there were just so many different, confusing sides to her and those reasons why you chose to stay away are the exact reasons why I love her.
God, she was broken and yet holding up those pieces was her immense strength because she fought, she fought everyday until she could no longer do so, until all that was left was skin and bone and I admire her for it.
There are so many things people could say was wrong with her but the only problem I saw was that she was loved wrong in the beginning and lost far more than she deserved too.
I really do wish you could have actually gotten to know her, her smile and watched how it lit up the room around her, heard the tone of her laughter and seen how she stood on her two feet in spite of her aching sadness because that is someone I know you would have cherished half as much as I love her; because knowing her was the best thing; I knew I wasn’t really living the first time I saw her because she walked in and my world had colour again”.
I stood in the middle of my living room just to breathe it in; I had finally come to terms that this town no longer felt like home and I needed to leave.
I felt myself jumped out of my thoughts when I heard the door shut
“You know even for a guy who practically just buried his girlfriend, you are looking especially tragic”
I shook my head in laughter as I watched Ash walk into the room “You know why couldn’t I just have a nice best friend who would be sensible enough to walk around eggshells with me?”.
He released a loud laugh at my words “Well…you just wouldn’t love him like me, no seriously tell me what’s up, you’ve got your thinking face on”
I let out a loud sigh, rubbing the back of my neck as Alistair walked over to my side “Alistair….”
I watched his face scrunch up as he replied “Asher what’s up?”
“Well it looks like you aren’t going to be the only one booking a flight ticket after all”
I heard him pause his pacing;
He stared straight at me “Asher, what are you saying?”
I smiled at him “I’m taking the deal with the art agent…I’m leaving Dawson”.
YOU ARE READING
Asher (Completed)
General FictionAsher has been caught up by his grief and guilt over a terrible loss. Will an old friend Alistair be able to save him and push him to start leaving again? Or will Alistair lose Asher to the grief and reminders of his past?
