Asher (Completed)

Live Again

Asher's POV 

I tossed and turned, my entire body feeling weak and heavy from the effects of constantly drowning along with Raine in my dreams.

I finally sat up, looking over at the alarm clock on the drawer next to my side of the bed — 2 AM. 

I sighed as I mentally accepted that I was getting no sleep tonight. I could barely bring myself to shut my eyes without picturing her crying and screaming directly into my ears.

I felt my head drop in disappointment and shame as I turned over to where Alistair lay on the left side of the bed; thanks to him moving me into his room I had been doing so well, for an entire week I was able to sleep about five hours each day but everything changed yesterday.

Yesterday, when Alistair told me Ian had called him earlier, I didn’t even know they exchanged numbers.

Ian didn’t want to go through my bad mood when he revealed that he had actually maintained contact with Layanne, he had apologized and pulled off the old Smith charm and talked to her about his idea.

The idea I had repeatedly told him no too, even after he talked her into exchanging numbers at that restaurant, even after he tried to convince me to take said number — I had told him no.

I don’t know why I was so surprised when he went behind my back, did it anyways, and actually managed to convince her into doing it if I agreed.

Then even worse, Alistair still didn’t think it was a bad idea.

I was so pissed off I didn’t even hear him out on why and just went off on him. I winced remembering how I had told him to fuck off and stop using my life as a distraction from addressing his own emotional problems stemming from his parents neglect. 

I could see that I had hurt him but he was used to me using anger as a defense mechanism so he said nothing, but I could tell it hurt especially because I was right, both his parents might have been alive and around but they were hardly there for him; not in the way that it mattered.

I was so ashamed that I said that, for so long it had been just the two of us against everything; sometimes I wondered why he was so good to me, yesterday being a prime example of that; I had picked a pointless fight and he still told me to come into his room when he saw me walking into mine.

I sighed as I turned away from him, making a mental note to apologise later on. I closed my eyes briefly, the effects of only three hours of sleep taking over me and there it was again, Raine, drowning and then the screaming.

I pushed off the bed and stood up, shaking my head back and forth as if that could push those bad memories out of my mind. 

Then I paced back and forth, grateful for the fact that Alistair was a heavy sleeper as I considered the only therapy which seemed to work on nights like this, when all my entire self really wanted was to drown with her.

I took one last look at Alistair’s sleeping form and quietly made my way out of the room. I shut the door as soundlessly as I could, niftly walking down the stairs and out the front door and then I kept walking, letting my feet carry me to where my mind already was.

I didn’t realise it, but I already found myself directly in front of the mansion’s indoor pool. As I looked down into the clear blue water, I could hear her voice as clear as day as a Siren’s call.

I heeded it and took a step forward and dropped down into the water; underneath the water the voices of grief and guilt stopped.
 


I was on the tile floor of the pool, sinking and fighting to the pull to get back immediately and breathe again. I needed just a little more time, enough to see her again.

I closed my eyes and gave into the water. I could feel the air slowly leave my lungs as my body got heavier, I could feel my heart beat slower and then I could see it — the light, her.

“ADMIT IT, YOU JUST WANTED TO LEAVE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE”

“Come on, get your coat on. Let’s go, I can see it Ash. Come on, I want to feel the raindrops on my face”

I felt so close to her, I thought I could practically hear her clearly, her face turning blue under that seawater as she drowned as she cried out for me — “Asher. Why weren’t you here?”

Then there it was, one of my favourite memories of her as bright as the sun was on that day. “Stormy, do you think you can slow down a minute, not all of us here have a dancer and swimmer’s endurance”
“Aw, come on baby boy. It’s been such a hot day, I just want to get into water again besides you’re a swimmer too”

I rolled my eyes, knowing she was right and just finding her adorable

“Well yeah but I’m not both, besides we have perfectly good seawater at the beach and state of the art snorkeling gear too, so why are we trudging through the forests that we’re literally banned from by the sheriff’s department?”

She turned around and linked her arm with mine, pulling us forward “This side of the forest aren’t thick enough for the bears, this side is only banned because of the beautiful waterfall the sheriff and the rest of that fine department would like to keep to themselves and when I found it last week, I could understand why”

I watched trudge forward and it was hard not to share in her excitement especially with the way her face glowed, but this was her mania period. 

She tended to go on long, impromptu walks during this, which was how she found the waterfall.

I tried to be with her as much as possible, as she usually got lost and incredibly taken in her excitement. I shook my head before replying 

“Well this place better be Eden reborn, ‘cause — ” I stopped responding when I felt Stormy squeeze my arm, signalling me to look up.

It was gorgeous, the falls were clear and blue as they toppled down from the hill, into a stream. 

The waterfall, surrounded by leaves and vines reddened by age and seasons. Then as I turned towards Stormy watching her smile brightly at the astonishment and appreciation on my face, there was only one word I could use to perfectly capture that moment “Wow”.

The vision of that memory ended but I found all the strength I needed and pushed up out of the pool, pulling myself out and toppling onto the ledge.

I panted as I pulled myself up, shivering from the effects of the cold air of the night on my wet body through my cotton shirt and shorts.